FINDING THE ONE : MODERN DATING (ISLAND OF LOVE)

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Why do we get into relationships? We allow a person into our lives and into our hearts, risking heartbreak and emotional turbulence, hoping that the good times will outweigh the bad. We let our guard down in exchange for connection. We invest our very selves in something much bigger than us; the possibility of falling in love.

Finding “the one” is no easy task. It’s a strenuous game of trial and error that can leave us exhausted and crushed if we are not careful. In the search for connection we expose our most secret sides to another person, trusting that they will see something in us that is worth holding on to. But if finding “the one” is in fact so difficult and so wearying, why are we willing to give love a chance time after time?

These days, monogamy appears to be a dying concept. It seems as though less and less people are seeking something concrete and exclusive, opting instead for filler and fun. This concept can significafindintly complicate matters of relationships, because it can often be difficult to differentiate the ones who are seeking just another good time from the ones who are truly seeking someone to invest in.

In a world where the notion of monogamy seems to be disappearing as quickly as old-fashioned romance and dating, how safe is it to invest in the idea of something more? Are we just fooling ourselves, or do we really have another half? Are we betting too much in this love game, all the while setting ourselves up to be hurt?


And for once in your life, you need to walk away and suffer the loneliness.. because you believe that one day in the far and distant future, you’ll be happy. and not so cracked and broken anymore. and you won’t cry anymore. and when you smile, it won’t be a façade- it will be real. and that empty heart-shaped black hole in your chest will slowly fade back to a healthy pink color. and you’ll know that all the pain, all the sadness, everything you feel when you’re crying yourself to sleep.. it’s gone. and you’re stronger for it.

but until then, it’s going to hurt.. and you’re going to cry. and it’s going to continue to be the worst times of your life. and you’re going to wonder how long it’s going to take. and you will fake that smile until your face hurts. and you will drink until you forget. and then you will remember in the morning. and every day, it will hit you like a ton of bricks. and every night, you will wonder where he is, and what he is doing, and if he’s thinking about you too. and you will cry, you will cry, you will cry until you think you’re out of tears. but they will continue to fall…

– Anne Morrow Lindbergh, The Gift from the Sea


Some people live ironic lives. They are always surrounded by people but they always feel lonely. It’s a funny situation, it seems that they grew up being taught the virtues of selflessness yet they are always left being the ones cowering in a corner, waiting for their to be loved, wondering if they’re worthy to be loved at all. They always look for assurances in people who aren’t able to meet these expectations. They seek solace in lovers that could only provide a “lusting” moment, enjoying while its lust.

To them, love has become predictable – a predictable series of  fantasies they are drawn to live in. They wonder, always they wonder, if life could prove their expectations wrong at the end. That love isn’t possible to stay for far too long. But it has become a cliché – an overused confusion of a dreamworld that will inevitably promise to make them hope in vain.

People, feeble humans as they are, are always vulnerable. No matter how many times previous lovers have cautioned them to always hold their  shield up and guard themselves from falling too deep, they are always in need of being cuddled, being needed, letting their guards down, eventually succumbing to the mirage of forever.

Maybe, these people, regardless of how many times they are broken, need to be assured of their ability to love and to attract love. No matter how many wrong turns they take in love, eventually they still believe in a way out up ahead… even if it worsens… But then again, it’s in the worst times that you learn to trust yourself. It just sucks that people aren’t in the same position as they are… The end of the arrow may be as sharp as it can be, still people welcome it, hopeful that it will not hurt as much as they have experienced it in the past…

Yet.. They fail.  But they’re still welcome…:’(

A LOVE LETTER TO YOU

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i think the best time to say that you already  found the right one…

… is when you stop looking for more…


Before judging anyone else’s relationship, keep in mind that every lover has a different kind of love


Sometimes, you just don’t see the pure evil in someone so close to you because you want to believe with all of your heart that they are just going through some rough years. When in reality, they are damaged and only care about themselves.

~ a sad true story


WE STOP US (Dave Trott)

A guy I know told me a story about when he was growing up.
He said his dad worked away from home a lot.
The family: mum, two sons, one daughter, lived together in a largish house.
The father lived, Monday to Friday, in a flat a long way away.
He usually came home to visit the family at weekends.
Everyone knew the dad didn’t have much time for the family.
They knew he preferred to work away from home.
They knew it because whenever he came home he was in a bad mood.
He didn’t say much to anyone.
So the atmosphere was quite frigid.
He was grumpy and couldn’t wait to get away, back to his job.
So they knew he felt distant from the family.
At least that was their reality.
However, this guy had reconciliation with his dad before he died.
He asked his dad why he didn’t like coming home.
His dad said, “Are you crazy?
I couldn’t get a decent job near where we lived.
But I wanted my family to have the best life I could provide.
So I eventually found a better paying job, but it meant working in a different town.
I didn’t want to disrupt everyone, so I went on my own.
But I absolutely hated leaving my family.
All week I used to sit in my little flat on my own, and dream about the weekend and coming home.
How thrilled you’d all be to see me, how we’d all hug each other.
How you’d tell me all the things you’d been up to all week.
And you’d want to know what had happened to me.
But when I walked in the door, no one wanted to talk to me.
Everyone just looked up, and went back to watching TV.
I’d been away all week from the thing I wanted most.
I’d been doing nothing but working all day, and coming back to the flat on my own at night.
Just so my family could have a good life.
And no one cared.
No one was grateful and no one wanted to talk to me, so I didn’t talk.”

No wonder he got upset.
His reality was that he was sacrificing everything for the good of his family.
But he never told his family this.
He expected them to know.
But the family didn’t know, because he never told them.
Their reality was, he can’t love us because he keeps leaving us.
And each thought theirs was the only reality.
It never crossed their minds that their reality was just an interpretation.
So they lived it and, by living it, reinforced the interpretation.
Until it eventually became the reality.
Even though it wasn’t.
And if that guy hadn’t talked to his dad about it, before he died, they’d never have known.
Think about that next time you think you know what someone else’s reality is.
Like when you think you know what your creative director’s thinking.
When you think he doesn’t like you, for whatever reason.
Or when you think you know what everyone in advertising thinks about you.
When you think they all think you’re too old.
Or they think you haven’t won enough awards.
Or you’re just not trendy enough.
Or you’re too cocky.
Or when you let your interpretation of other people’s realities stop you.
You worry they’ll think you’re too arrogant.
Or they’ll think you’re a suck-up.
Or they’ll laugh at you.
When you let something that doesn’t even exist control your life.
See we don’t live in reality.
We live in our interpretation of reality.
And that’s what stops us.

Us.


Compelling.  this really captured reasons why we deviate to reality, how we refuse to go beyond what’s there. Understand. Not judge. Whether we admit or not, what we fear most in life is not having a home to come home to or a relationship that keeps us anchored.

US

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It is strange how often a heart can be broken before the years can make it wise.


At some point, we weren’t just together. We became something that everyone knew about, and was happy to see happening. We were so known for being in our relationship, that it made it hard for us to be in love and go through tough times without the world watching every moment.

I miss the days when the only people that knew we were in love were us.


“You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it.”


Here. This is for you, just because”

Completely flustered and flushed in a pink tone of joy, due to the genuine act of kindness and love, you manage to mutter a short “awe, you shouldn’t have” through your trembling lips. These flowers now carry a whole new level of significance simply for the fact that it was from your lover. And so you nourish this token of love with the utmost fragility. You never forget to fill the vase with water and it has now become a beautiful center piece that ties your entire bedroom together like the final bow on any gift, completing the masterpiece.

Yet you find yourself spending most of your efforts struggling to keep these flowers alive because you couldn’t bare the thought of letting this token of love perish. What would it mean? That you failed what appears to be the easiest thing to handle? The idea pains you and you continue to fumble through the seconds that pass because you start to realize that it is inevitable. Everything dies.

Then you become the sole witness to such a beautiful death.

And this is the sad truth to all that lives.


I’ve seen way too much and wore my heart on my sleeve way too often to forget what it’s like to feel so fragile and impermanent. i’ve built cities from the depths of broken hearts only to watch as they burst into scintillating luster but i’m only human and humans try until they bleed or until life robs them of strength. i’m tired and my eyes are weak from the burning desire to see beyond the concrete truths. This is all that it’ll ever be, between you and i, me and the next, just like how it’s been with everyone else. i am that comfort, that change, that temporary escape; a distraction. i’ve accepted that a long time ago so I stopped hoping for things to be different. i’ll help you and i’ll hold your hands but when my time is up, i’ll be on my way again and i’m supposed to believe that it’s okay.

CLOUD AND THE DUNE (PAULO COELHO)

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A young cloud was born in the midst of a great storm over the Mediterranean Sea, but he did not even have time to grow up there, for a strong wind pushed all the clouds over towards Africa.

As soon as the clouds reached the continent, the climate changed. A bright sun was shining in the sky and, stretched out between them, lay the golden sands of the Sahara. Since it almost never rains in the desert, the wind continued pushing the clouds towards the forests in the south.

Meanwhile, as it happens with young humans too, the young cloud decided to leave his parents and his older friends in order to discover the world.

“What are you doing?,” cried the wind. “The desert’s the same all over. Rejoin the other clouds, and we’ll go to Central Africa where there are amazing mountains and trees!”

But the young cloud, a natural rebel, refused to obey, and, gradually, he dropped down until he found a gentle, generous breeze that allowed him to hover over the golden sands. After much toing and froing, he noticed that one of the dunes was smiling at him.

He saw that the dune was also young, newly formed by the wind that had just passed over. He fell in love with her golden hair right there and then.

“Good morning,” he said. “What’s life like down there?”

“I have the company of the other dunes, of the sun and the wind, and of the caravans that occasionally pass through here. Sometimes it’s really hot, but it’s still bearable. What’s life like up there?”

“We have the sun and wind too, but the good thing is that I can travel across the sky and see more things.”

“For me,” said the dune, “life is short. When the wind returns from the forests, I will disappear.”

“ And does that make you sad?”

“It makes me feel that I have no purpose in life.”

“I feel the same. As soon as another wind comes along, I’ll go south and be transformed into rain; but that is my destiny.”

The dune hesitated for a moment, then said: “Did you know that here in the desert, we call the rain paradise?”

“I had no idea I could ever be that important,” said the cloud proudly.

“I’v e heard that older dunes tell stories about the rain. They say that, after the rain, we are all covered with grass and flowers. But I’ll never experience that, because in the desert it rains so rarely.”

It was the cloud’s turn to hesitate now. Then he smiled broadly and said:

“If you like, I could rain on you now. I know I’ve only just got here, but I love you, and I’d like to stay here for ever.”

“When I first saw you up in the sky, I fell in love with you too,” said the dune. “But if you transform your lovely white hair into rain, you will die.”

“Love never dies,” said the dune. “It is transformed, and, besides, I want to show you what paradise is like.”

And he began to caress the dune with little drops of rain, so that they could stay together for longer, until a rainbow appeared.

The following day, the little dune was covered in flowers. Other clouds that passed over, heading for Africa, thought that it must be part of the forest they were looking for and scattered more rain. Twenty years later, the dune had been transformed into an oasis that refreshed travellers with the shade of  its trees.

And, all because, one day, a cloud fell in love, and was not afraid to give his life for that love.

A beautiful way of expressing that true love is selfless and it transforms.

CLOSING CYCLES (PAULO COELHO)

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Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need . This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need . This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.