It is SO diabolical!!!











It’s been months since we last spoke, even longer since I have seen you..

I have heard a couple rumours from a couple of your people. That you already moved on.. your friends telling me that you have made love.

So I keep calling you in private, and wait untill you speak after you hanged up. I never admit.

I blank out everything now, sometimes I even question if I remember your face..

But all it takes is one little thing for it to all flood back and I start reliving the best of our days..

I called this poem sometimes because

Well, you’ll get it by the end..

Sometimes I’m sure, I’m over you..

I start telling my friends..

Like, “I don’t think I could go through that again”..

I tell them that I wanna see you happy and I’m alright with letting you go..

But sometimes I go through a milestone and I think of every way of letting you know.

So I start clicking on your Facebook even though you’re never on it.

Start asking myself why I don’t just ring you, sorry I’m being honest.

Sometimes, I’ll stare at your number telling myself not to call it.

So I ring you on withheld just to listen to you talking..

And here’s me thinking I could never relate to you the more than I used to.

Or I wish I could forget you, well that’s a good lie..

Cause the woman that I would try,

Is happy with a ….but I still hold and starring at you picture. And looking at the picture and see my whole life it’s still stick.

I know, I had been prick, but at least I want you to know that you are always be a girl who the only one I pick.

Yeah, we have crushed before, but we have learned our lesson.

Maybe this it’s drink is talking. Or might be the drink is talking..

But that’s sometimes,

Cause sometimes I’m talking to other girls seeing the potential in a new one.

She’s talking about our future I’m listening and thinking we should have broken up sooner. I’m sitting here like being ‘single’, and everything made sense now…

But that’s sometimes.

Because there’s always something that brings me back to you is that how you’ll made me feel.

The way you make me feel is hard to explain, you make me smile in a special kind of way, make me fall deeper in love everyday.

You make me feel like no one else does, you love like no one else can.

And sometimes I sit here blaming myself.

How did I throw it all away, what do I need to change about myself.

And sometimes I think, she lost out on me.

She was playing too many ‘games’ and anything she start to feel free.

Sometimes I think what we had was special and I don’t see.

How could you or I could find another again.

Then I think about being replaced and think every relationships the same.

Sometimes I think I over think it too much, I never really speak out these days running out of people to trust..

And sometimes I think the only way we can get back together is if we get over each other first, sometimes it makes sense.


But sometimes I sit here thinking about you, and if you’re thinking about me.

Then I think na, she’s happy without me..

Sometimes in early morning, I feel to just get up and go and get you.

But it’s not that easy.

Sometimes I wonder if you want your hero back, he hugs when you’re scared, he motivates you when you’re worried.

Don’t let me have time to myself.

Cause that’s when I think of you the most.

Late at nights when we should be on the phone.

Or mornings feeling weird cause we haven’t spoke.

In starting to relate to songs that I used to think where just good musically.

And singing like no one else around is just feel like between you and me..

Everyone’s telling me we got a happy ending.

And sometimes I believe it.

I used this poem as a diary.

I Don’t run away from the memories that we have made.

I have you like a movie within my head.

A million memories, guess I have got to let them all pass.

At the time it felt like we where together forever now it’s over it feels lt happened so fast.

I can say is, I couldnt forget our memories.

In the same old place, I cried so much.

But shift of the city helped me to overcome it.

Im tryn to capture this and Im tryn to let it go.

Maybe this it’s drink is talking or might be the drink is talking..

You are the perfect picture but I cant and I don’t flip the frame.

We had both love and hate, and we should mix these pain.

Remember your mom never let me to stay, the I decided to sit at the end

And watching you fall asleep.

You are so gorgeous, when I say you are beautiful, I mean you are beautiful.

Remember we used to ‘play’ and there is no ‘orders’.. everything going so awkward.

Another night you sleep in my arms, and you are so flawless.

Remember the hotel, all the time you dress up…………….

We have got secrets, but that’s between us.

Don’t worry a little shell, cause I wont tell.

I always pour my heart out.. and tryn to pay the consequence.

But we used to work this out, and everything will be alright at the end.

If don’t, thus it is not the end then.

Sometimes they said, you don’t know what you have got.

Untill is gone.

But I know exactly what I had, I just choose to do wrong.

My friends call me stupid.

Maybe this it’s drink is talking or might be the drink is talking..

But that’s sometimes.

Sometimes I had dream about the life that have you within.

Guess theres not always a happy ending.

but sometimes I wish there was though.

Sometimes I can justify it, sometimes I can’t.

Sometimes I’ve got these girls telling me to get over you.

In all honesty I know they’re just trying to get a chance.

Sometimes sometimes sometimes

Sometimes I was in the wrong, sometimes you are.

I made a fool of you even you made a fool of me.

But no matter how complicated things got..

I always added you to my prayer.

And I’m living my life now.

I just wish that you’re happy and whoever you end up with.

I just pray you have a beautiful future.

And you was just a single page in my book called Life.

You must be the only person that i use to text, before im going to sleep..

I love you much.



Diantara deru angin, badai dan amuk ombak.
terlintas lalu dibenak.

Dimana pasir di bibir pantai dipijak ta beranjak.

Yang merubah pena menoreh sajak.
Sendu dibalut kelambu senja, merubah tinta menjadi bahasa rasa.

Biar ku tuang pesan sendu yang mungkin bukan Cinta.

Kelabu mendera, letih mencoba, terlalu lama..
Untuk seorang wanita yang masih dalam tanda tanya  (?)

[Sentence Explained in a Sentence]


When around me was nothing but only darkness and solitude

I feel, I lost my way.. it is like who do you follow when your time feels borrowed, I go astray now..

I had no one, so you tellin me, where do I suppose put my heart in? can someone put a life in my heart anyone?

Me and my friends, We have got a few altercations and lost half of my friends because disputation and conrestation..

But I had someone in my life once, she understand me when no one else can, willingly sit next to me become my ears and hear all my stories. When we were being catty conversation goes witty. We laugh out loud like no one else around.

When we were standing next to each other, I remember you took my hand and we did a reel like scottish in folk dance, now time to stop… life flashes fast when you in a whirl, soon I thought we were like double helix in cell make a beauty at the same time.

No one ever around me before like you did to me, there is no place like home before in my life, buy me any tickets and I don’t wanna go to anywhere without you, you changin me from the time like no one around.

In the dark we glow, we are high when it is low, and sometimes through concrete – flowers grow. Now what? Those memories turned up into sorrow.

Now I stand on my own like sicily, literally.

My circle so small, i sort them out, and giving some permit to those who around me, so only a few can access me.

I tried and started thinking way beyond my age when I hit 17.. I had a smile of a child but a mind like 35, maybe I lived in dirty life.

Madness, they say death take you to a better place if you went to heaven but I doubt it, after that they never spoke about it. Now I have seen death like sign language. I flirt with death and cuddle the life..

and life is so precious but I don’t like this pressure..working jobs and little wage, from my youth maybe till middle age, I lost my freedom, and my life I wonder why I must get burn from young beefing with these low lifes and ended by cold nights. I still remember it 20 minutes drive and then I have a city filled with a life, somewhere someone buying clothes, food and the same time in different place youts cluthin a knife, maybe for the same thing, for the same reason, most for the pride.

Big business, flashing lights, two completely different sides, juxtaposed from guns and knives. I will tell you the issue, I never came from a broken home, but the system came and broke my home.. This tracks got me on a rage, I could feel my self changing, I started ageing, my mind started fading, and my back started aching..

all this time I have been through the lifeless time, stressed out, felt numb and distraught.. im fuckin confused, im struggling to keep up with man who got nothing to lose, but I do with nothing to prove… im always got the metal in my head like it is a wedding ring.

Do you think im telling lies? Im just venting on a low and need to get it off from my chest sometimes, if the truth hurts, I like being lied to.. but I cant deal with issues in the ways that I would like to.. I shouldt need to say what is real, this is common sense for the man who got their head set straight. And my words carry weight.

Probably you ve seen me or seen my picture, but you never spent a day inside my camera roll.

The Alexithymia Blueprint


I believe I will see you again,
not in this perception of life

familiar, but perhaps,
not in their intellection of recognition

we’ll dance,
unzipped from anatomy
two balls of light, almost connecting
brushing past one another

creating a friction, and leaving behind
such well-formed design

from one brief wisp of astral architecture
we made the universe a fraction less confusing
then followed our own trajectories
twin galaxies, screaming towards the last free pockets
in the fabric of a cosmos

a blush of matter, spread infinite
free, yet still clinging to the fibres of our afterglow
and just as to some, an eclipse
is nothing but a wink
a clap of shade
an exasecond

your involuntary micro expression left a fist print
in my solar plexus
to the quantum of time,
I learn,
I donate a rib,
I set a boson timer,

I believe I will be introduced to you