FINDING THE ONE : MODERN DATING (ISLAND OF LOVE)


Why do we get into relationships? We allow a person into our lives and into our hearts, risking heartbreak and emotional turbulence, hoping that the good times will outweigh the bad. We let our guard down in exchange for connection. We invest our very selves in something much bigger than us; the possibility of falling in love.

Finding “the one” is no easy task. It’s a strenuous game of trial and error that can leave us exhausted and crushed if we are not careful. In the search for connection we expose our most secret sides to another person, trusting that they will see something in us that is worth holding on to. But if finding “the one” is in fact so difficult and so wearying, why are we willing to give love a chance time after time?

These days, monogamy appears to be a dying concept. It seems as though less and less people are seeking something concrete and exclusive, opting instead for filler and fun. This concept can significafindintly complicate matters of relationships, because it can often be difficult to differentiate the ones who are seeking just another good time from the ones who are truly seeking someone to invest in.

In a world where the notion of monogamy seems to be disappearing as quickly as old-fashioned romance and dating, how safe is it to invest in the idea of something more? Are we just fooling ourselves, or do we really have another half? Are we betting too much in this love game, all the while setting ourselves up to be hurt?


And for once in your life, you need to walk away and suffer the loneliness.. because you believe that one day in the far and distant future, you’ll be happy. and not so cracked and broken anymore. and you won’t cry anymore. and when you smile, it won’t be a façade- it will be real. and that empty heart-shaped black hole in your chest will slowly fade back to a healthy pink color. and you’ll know that all the pain, all the sadness, everything you feel when you’re crying yourself to sleep.. it’s gone. and you’re stronger for it.

but until then, it’s going to hurt.. and you’re going to cry. and it’s going to continue to be the worst times of your life. and you’re going to wonder how long it’s going to take. and you will fake that smile until your face hurts. and you will drink until you forget. and then you will remember in the morning. and every day, it will hit you like a ton of bricks. and every night, you will wonder where he is, and what he is doing, and if he’s thinking about you too. and you will cry, you will cry, you will cry until you think you’re out of tears. but they will continue to fall…

– Anne Morrow Lindbergh, The Gift from the Sea


Some people live ironic lives. They are always surrounded by people but they always feel lonely. It’s a funny situation, it seems that they grew up being taught the virtues of selflessness yet they are always left being the ones cowering in a corner, waiting for their to be loved, wondering if they’re worthy to be loved at all. They always look for assurances in people who aren’t able to meet these expectations. They seek solace in lovers that could only provide a “lusting” moment, enjoying while its lust.

To them, love has become predictable – a predictable series of  fantasies they are drawn to live in. They wonder, always they wonder, if life could prove their expectations wrong at the end. That love isn’t possible to stay for far too long. But it has become a cliché – an overused confusion of a dreamworld that will inevitably promise to make them hope in vain.

People, feeble humans as they are, are always vulnerable. No matter how many times previous lovers have cautioned them to always hold their  shield up and guard themselves from falling too deep, they are always in need of being cuddled, being needed, letting their guards down, eventually succumbing to the mirage of forever.

Maybe, these people, regardless of how many times they are broken, need to be assured of their ability to love and to attract love. No matter how many wrong turns they take in love, eventually they still believe in a way out up ahead… even if it worsens… But then again, it’s in the worst times that you learn to trust yourself. It just sucks that people aren’t in the same position as they are… The end of the arrow may be as sharp as it can be, still people welcome it, hopeful that it will not hurt as much as they have experienced it in the past…

Yet.. They fail.  But they’re still welcome…:’(

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