LONLEY


She could tell something was wrong and asked if I wanted to talk about it but how do I talk about the stupid illogical demons in my head without sounding like a depressed anxious nutjob.

But truthfully I just wish I could tell her how lonely I was today. How much self hate I felt. How selfish I feel and fat and how it has been so hard to find will today. How exhausted I am.

How when I think about work I just want to curl up. And about how lonely I feel!!! And selfish! Did I say those already? I feel selfish because I’m lonely and I’m lonely because I feel selfish. I don’t want to rely on someone for comfort. Shouldn’t I just provide that for myself? But some days I just don’t know how to. But I try. But I feel awful. As I grow older I fear I mature and become unable to connect with people on a level where a bond and friendship occur.

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