Because these people lose everything, they lose their health, they lose their beauty, they lose their teeth, they lose their wealth, they lose their human relationship, in the end they often lose their lives.

And yet nothing shakes them from their addiction nothing can force them to give up their addiction. The addictions are powerful and the question is why? “I’m not afraid of dying”, he said, “I’m more afraid of living”.

Why are people afraid of life? if you want to understand addiction, you cant look at what is wrong with the addiction, you have to look at what is right about it.

In other words what is the person getting from the addiction? What are they getting that otherwise they dont have?

What addicts get is relief from pain what they get is a sense of peace? a sense  of control, a sense of calmness, very-very temporarily? And the question is why are these qualities missing from their lives? what happened to them?

The real question in addiction is not ‘why the addiction?’ but ‘why the pain?’

Addiction was all about looking for obivilion, looking forgetting

3 things that people are afraid of :

  1. They are afraid of death
  2. They are afraid of other people
  3. And they are afraid of their own minds

For long time in my life. I wanted to distract myself from my own mind, because i was afraid to be alone with it. Now would I distract myself? I have distracted myself through work, through myself into activities.

My definition of addiction is any behavior that gives you temporary relief, temporary pleasure. But in the long term causes harm, has some negative consequences and you cant give it up.

Hungry ghosts are creatures myth who has large empty bellies and small scranny necks and tiny little mouths, so they can never get enough they can never fill the emptiness on the inside.

And we are all hungry ghosts in this society we all have this emptiness and so many of us are trying to fill that emptiness from the outside. Now if you want to ask the question why people are in pain. You cant look at their genetics, you have to look at their lives. Perhaps they have been abused all of their lives, they began life as abused children.

Why are some people vunerable to  being addicted? Now what do you think the addicts get? When the addicts shoot cocaine, when the adduct shoots crystal meth or almost any drugs they get a hit of dopamine in their brain.

The question is : what happened to their brains in the first place. Because it is a myth that drugs are addictive? drugs are not themselves addictive because most people who try most drugs never become addictied .


So the question is why are some people vunerable to being addicted? Just like food is not addictive but to some people it is, shopping is not addictive but to some people it is. Televison is not addictive but to some people it is. So the question is why this suscepitibility?

Endorphins are indigenous morphine like substances, endorphins are our own natural pain killers. What morphine or endorphins also do is they make possible the experience of love. They make possible the experience of attachment to the parent and the paranets attachment to the child.

The addiction to these drugs and of course the heroine and the morphine what they do is they act on the endorphin system. That is why they work. So the question is, what happens to people that need these chemicals from the outside?

Well. What happens to them is they are abused as children, those circuits dont develop when you dont find any love and dont feel or have any connections in your life when you are very-very young. Then those important brain circuits just dont develop properly.

And under condition of abuse, things just dont develop properly and their brains then are susceptible when they do the drugs. Now they feel normal, now they feel pain relief, now they feel love.

When I first did heroine : it felt like a warm soft hug just like a mother hugging her baby. Now I have had the same emptiness not the same degree as my patients, what happened to me is that I was born in budapest, hungary in 1944 to jewish parents. Just before the germans occipied hungary and you know what happened to the jewish people in eastern europe.

And I was 2 months old when the german army moved into budapest, and the day after then, my mother phoned pediatrician and she said : would you please come and see gabor, because he is cryin all the time.

And the pediatrician said “of course, i will to come to see him but i should tell you, all of my jewish babies are crying” WHY?

What do babies know about hitler or genocide or war? nothing…

What we were picking up on is the stresses and the terrors and the depression of our mother. That actually shapes the child’s brain. Of course what happened to me, that i have got the message that the world doest want me, because if my mother is not happy around me, she must not want me.

Why do I become a workaholic later? Because if they dont want me, at least they are going to need me and I will be an important doctor and they are going to need me. And that way i can make up for the feeling of not being wanted in the first place.

And what does that mean? It means that Iam working all the time, what message do my kids get? My kids get the same message that they are not wanted, this is how we pass it on… We pass on the trauma and we pass on the suffering unconsciously. From one generation to the next.

So obiviously there are many – many ways to fill this emptiness and for each person there is a different way of filling the emptiness but the emptiness always goes back.

To what we did not get when we were very small and then we look at the drug addict and we say to drug addict, how can you possibly do this to yourself? how can you possibly inject this terrible substance into your body. That may kill you?

But look at what we are doing to the earth, we are injecting all kinds of things into the atmosphere and the oceans and the encironment that is killing us, that is killing the earth.

Now which addiction is greater? the addiction to oil? or to consumerism? Which causes the greater harm and yet we judge the drug addict because we actually see that they are just like us and we dont like that.

So we say ‘you are different from us, you are worse than we are’. Because power the addiction to lower is always about the emptiness.

Buddha/Siddhārtha Gautama  and yesus, both of them were tempted by the devil and one of the thing the devil offers them is power, earthly power and both say no. They say no because they have the power inside themselves, they do not need it from the outside and they.

They both say no, Because they do not want to control people. They want to teach people, they want to teach people by example, by soft words and by wisom not through fforce, so they refuse power.

So a real sense of insecurity and inferiority and they needed power to feel okay in themselves, to make themselves bigger. And in order to get that power they were quite willing to fight wars and to kill alot of people just to maintain that power. That you are trying to till from the outside and napoleon even in exile on the island of St.Helena after he lost his power, he said “I love power, I love power, still”.

He could not think of himself wutgiyt oiwer he had. No sense of himself without being powerful externally. Jesus says : that the power and the reality is not the outside of yourself but inside. Find a lamp inside yourself, be a lamp unto yourself. Find a light within.

The people in power iam afraid to say, they are oftenly some emptiest people in the world.  Instead of we have to find that light within ourselves, we have to find the light within communities, within our own wisom and our own creativity.

People run on the bigger platforms are empty inside, so they dont want this.. Energy is stored in our cellular memory.





Who would you bet on? Who would you bet on? Imagine you had the 200 people you know best in the world sat in this room and I gave you this deal: you come, today, come up here to me, you give me 1,000 euros and you give me a name, and for the rest of that person’s life I will pay you 10% of everything they make, every month, month after month, month after month. 10%. Who would you choose?

Imagine that; here in the room, if you look around the faces you see in this room — some good faces to bet on in this room — but if you put the 200 people you know best from school, from university, through family connections, who of all the people you know, would be the one person that you would put on that paper and bring to me? Who would you bet on?

And I was asked this question 7 years ago. The man in the picture is Warren Buffett. Warren Buffett at time is the richest man in the world. Warren Buffett doesn’t invent things; Warren Buffett doesn’t sell things; Warren Buffett doesn’t manage a company. Warren Buffet takes one decision every day: Would I bet on this person? And the results would seem that he does this quite well.

Now, Warren Buffett takes this decision every day, and Warren Buffett has 3 criteria. But before I get into the 3 criteria of Warren Buffett, I want to move to the world of psychology — I studied psychology — and to this day, from the beginning of psychology, there is one test that above any other tests in life predicts future success on every measure: wealth, quality of relationships, grades in school, length of relationships, happiness measured on every scale whether qualitative or quantitative. And the test is called the Marshmallow Test.

This here is a marshmallow. The marshmallow test can be conducted on children 3-4 years old. The psychologist brings the child into the room and says, “This is yours. This is yours to eat. I need to leave the room for a couple of minutes. When I come back, if it’s still there, you get two.” And the psychologist leaves the room. And the kid looks at the marshmallow. It’s his marshmallow! You can do anything you want to it. You can use it in any way you want.

The second criteria of Warren Buffett: Energy. Energy is health and a bias to action. Healthy people, people who don’t get ill often, people who, when they get a cold, they’re back to work tomorrow because they recover quick, they sleep well. Bias to action: people who have a tendency to take action over thinking about action. Energy is about vitality and a bias to action.

The third criteria of Warren Buffett: Intelligence. But not chess intelligence, not business school intelligence, not sitting in a room for 4 years designing a strategy intelligence. He’s talking about adaptive intelligence. When you’re running down the street and a lamppost is coming towards you, adaptive intelligence is the intelligence to see the pattern, see the lamppost coming and change your course just enough that instead of taking it in the forehead you take the blow in the shoulder and you keep moving.

Number one is Integrity. But integrity is that you say “no” to most things. Integrity is really about an alignment between what your calendar says you do and what you say you do. And if you say yes to most requests, if you can’t think of a time you’ve said no in the last day, in the last week, your life has been divided into thousands of little pieces and spread amongst the priorities of other people. So, to live an integral life, to live a life true to your own values means that you say no very often.

Intelligence: write stuff down. If you write down ideas you’ve had today, if you write down people you’ve met, describe things that are going on, 6 months from now you won’t be the intelligence of one moment, you’ll be the accumulated intelligence of 6 months of ideas, 6 months of things written down, 6 months of people’s quotes.

When I was 14 years old my biology teacher made us write down 5 minutes everyday, whatever we wanted. I remember day one, pen touched paper: “This is stupid. What are we doing?” Day two, again: “This is stupid. What are we doing?” Day three: “He’s still doing this!” Day four: “Strange thing happened to me on the way to school today…” Day five: “My brother said something to me this morning…” I’ve written everyday of my life since I was 14 years old. I know where I was every day of my life since I was 14. I know what I was thinking, I know what it felt like, I know who I was with. Start writing down your life. It’s the most valuable resource you have — your own life. But so few people take the time to document it. Write your life down, describe the marshmallow.

Energy: high-performance athletes. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last 5 years interviewing the high-performance athletes of Spain: Josef Ajram, Kilian Jornet, Miquel Suner. Josef Ajram: 10 times he’s competed in the Marathon des Sables. Two marathons a day, 6 days across the Sahara. And Josef tells me, he finishes because he never thinks about more than 15 minutes ahead. He runs for 15 minutes, he stops, has a drink, another 15 minutes, another 15 minutes; his mind never goes beyond 15 minutes. He says, “Anybody can run for 15 minutes.” He’s run the Marathon des Sables because he’s never, ever, let his mind see more than the next 15 minutes.

Miquel Suner swims open water, without a wetsuit, across the English Channel. No wetsuit! 42,000 strokes to leave the English coast over to France. 14-15 degree water; the cold seeping in with every stroke. How does he do it? Because his mind is never further than stroke, stroke, breath; stroke, stroke, breath. Hour after hour, swimming, but he’s never allowing his mind to go anywhere beyond “stroke, stroke, breath”. With the marshmallow: deal with one marshmallow at a time, one marshmallow at a time. What’s the next step? Do not let your mind jump forward and see the biggest thing.


Alpine climbers see the next inch. Ranulph Fiennes — oldest man from Europe to climb Everest, failed 3 times. On his last attempt his wife said to him: “Ranulph, climb it like the horses.”

He looked at her: “What do you mean like the horses?”

She’s an animal trainer: “Because a horse has no concept of the finish, a horse runs until it collapses. Climb Everest one step at a time. Ask yourself one question: “Can I take one more step?” “Yes!” – take it. “No!” – pause. “Yes!” – take it, “Yes!” – take it.” And on one of those steps he stood on the summit.

Energy: deal with the next unit, one marshmallow at a time, one marshmallow at a time.

Integrity. Do you know how a child spells “love”? How does a child spell “love”? T-I-M-E. This world is full of good intention, but the way you see if an executive really is behind an initiative, you open their diary and you count the hours. If you say your parents are important to you, open the diary and show me the hours. The coherence between a diary and your values is where integrity begins. And it’s kind of horrific when you start to count, when you start to look and start to become aware of where your time goes. So little of my time really goes to the things that I know and I mean to do. So often I slip off into Facebook and what was supposed to be a minute, is an hour, and then lunch comes.

But those minutes — once you’ve started to get the minutes dedicate to the things that matter — And the truly important thing to remember about the marshmallow test is that there’re hundreds, and thousands, and millions of marshmallows in your life: hundreds of little decisions, minute after minute, day after day that all sum up. And success in life is not one massive good decision, not one marshmallow not eaten; and failure is not one marshmallow eaten, or one poor decision. Failure is repeated bad decisions; success is repeated, consistent, good habits. We so underestimate what we can achieve in a year and so overestimate what we can achieve in a day. A page a day and you have a book in a year. You’ll never write a book in one day.


But this time, once you’ve started to dedicate the time right, I had the privilege of spending a day with Kilian Jornet, probably, Spain’s top athlete, ultraman. When I’d met him he’d just finished running the Lake Tahoe Rim Run: 288 kilometers, and he ran it in 36 hours. What the hell goes through a man’s mind as he runs for 36 hours? But when he runs, do you know what the other competitors say about Killian? “He looks like he’s enjoying it.” The other runners are suffering and they’re looking down — Killian is running touching the leaves as he runs past, smelling the smell of the forest, feeling the feel of the track beneath his feet. He runs for 36 hours because he’s absolutely there, his mind is nowhere else but in the run, on the path, in the forests, feeling completely alive.

So the lesson, rule one for success — and I brought a few for all of you to see if you can achieve it — the rule for success: when you have a marshmallow, don’t stare at it. The diet doesn’t fail because of weakness of will, the diet fails because the chocolate is there. If you want to stop watching television, take the batteries out of the remote. If you want to do more exercise, put your running shoes next to the door. It’s small, small changes.

And 20 years from now, I want you to have written stuff down; I want you to have dealt with one step at a time; I want you to have made sure your diary aligns completely, you say no to the things don’t fit with what’s important to you. And 25 years, when I come back here, I will look out on the most successful group of people, because they’ve lived their lives fully.


Who would you bet on?


Breaking out requires real emotional commitment to change. And to get that commitment, you need to focus on why you would want to change, not why others might think you should change, but why you would want to change for yourself.

I had never considered myself someone who could achieve academically. I’d even been held back a year at school. Yet I enrolled in those first two psychology papers, because I knew that understanding what makes people tick is a useful skill to have in prison. Anywhere from 50% to 80% of people in prison suffer some form of mental health issue, and being attacked due to the mental instability of others was a real concern.

It made me dream. It made me think: “Imagine, imagine if I could get out of here with a degree!”

Going for a degree seemed like such an audacious goal. And a major obstacle to achieving this dream was the amount of marijuana I was smoking.

Smoking weed allowed me to enjoy the moment, and avoid the reality of my situation. I was young and locked up. I was frustrated, I had no sense of direction. If I was going to start the process of really changing my life, I needed to stop doing drugs.

Passing those exams had reinforced my desire to break out of my prison. But wanting change, and turning that change into action, are two very different things.

Make the escape


The third step to freedom is to make the escape. Dreams without action remain dreams. In order to make the escape, you need to start taking steps that reduce the distance between where you are and where you desire to be.

People that want to break out of their prisons, but fail to do so, often think about change as something that occurs in some distant future. The problem with us is that it doesn’t prompt you to act, and change can start to feel like it’s beyond your reach. It’s tomorrow, next month, next year.

To make your escape, you must get specific about what you want to change. Specific change is not wanting to lose weight, but wanting to lose 5 kilos. Having the general idea that you want to write a book, will not get you to put pen to paper. Having the specific goal to write 500 words on Thursday just might.


The research shows that having vague goals makes it hard to start and easy to give up. Specific goals mean that you can’t fool yourself into thinking you have done enough.

Many people in prison talk about what they will do when they are released, how they will take better care of their kids, how they will lead better lives. But life and change are about what you do right now.

Time is a different commodity when you’re serving a long period of imprisonment. To survive psychologically, you need to forget about the outside world, accept this is your new life, and to focus on the present.

Focusing on the present was key for making my escape. I didn’t worry about what I was, or wasn’t going to do in some uncertain future. I just focused on what I could do today. On what I could do right now.

Research shows that this ability to seize the moment makes you 3 times more likely to achieve your goals. So, I stopped smoking weed, which allowed me to complete my undergraduate degree. It also massively reduced the amount of time I spent in solitary confinement.

For me, the specific and related goals, were to become drug free, and to complete my degree. The cost of making my escape was sacrificing being emotionally numbed. But making my escape didn’t come without a struggle.

Fight for your freedom.

Many people think that willpower and self-discipline are things that you either have or you don’t have. But the research shows that these are characteristics developed through practice and application.

At various stages in my journey, I encountered obstacles that required persistence and commitment to overcome. Yet my dreams increased in proportion to my successes. Once I had completed my Masters, a Doctorate seemed like the next logical step. This time the barrier was even bigger. I was told it would be impossible to start a Doctorate, without regular face-to-face meetings with my supervisors.

So, my supervisors traveled hours out of their way to visit me in prison. Fighting for your freedom is crucial to successful change and growth. Yet the fights best won are those with allies.

1. We are born free : we acquire self – defeating and distorted beliefs, overtime these beliefs imprison us. Yet this is not the life we were born to live, 50-80% people in prison suffer some forms of mental health issues.

2. Make the escape : Focusing my present. ‘Sieze the moment makes you 3 times more likely to achieve your goals”

3. Fight for freedom to achieve your goal you must overcome any obstacles you encounter, will power and self disicpline  these characters developed through practice and application.

4. Concern living free : freedom is a journey not an event, it is a condition that requires effort to maintain.

Self help books and programs often fail, because they do not acknowledge the reality of living free and the on going commitment it requires.

Real sustained, positive change and growth is not something that you achiev cross of your list of things to do and then walk away from. The price of freedom is ongoing effort. To live in  freedom we must be mindful of the architecture of our personal prisons. Recognize and avoid seemingly innocent choices, and learn ways to respond when obstacles are encountered.

Well, living in freedom is what keeping it real is all about. Living free requires us to acknowledge that sometimes we are weak. We will not always progress towards our goals in a straightforward manner. Sometimes we will slip back into old habits. Sometimes we will fall short of our ideals. Yet such failures are the opportunities for us to grow. They provide us with a chance to reflect and identify the chinks in our armor. We fall so that we can learn to pick ourselves up again.

We all have this capacity to come back from bad choices and situations. At 18, I made choices that have negatively impacted on many people, and that I will live with for the rest of my life. I’d then spent over 10 years in a negative environment where all the wrong values were espoused, and all the wrong behaviors were rewarded.

To live in such freedom, we must recognize we were born free. We must choose to break out of our prisons. We must make the escape. We must fight for our freedom, and we must keep it real about what living in freedom means.

The man iam today is defined by how I choose to behave today and we all have this ability to step away from our past to embrace our aspirational selves and to re-write the narratives of our world.

My prison was my belief that the measure of a man was his capacity for violence, and that men shouldn’t feel scared, sad, vulnerable, or weak.




People want power they want to disguise this wanting of power, so they play games, they covertly manipulate and intrigue all the while presenting a nice, even saintly front.

By essential ignoring this internal, inisivble aspect, we fall to change anything fundamental within ourselves and so in a few years time we reach our limits yet again we grow frustated we crave change.

We grab at something quick and superficial and we remain prisoners forever of these recurring patterns in our lives. The answer they key to the ability to transform ourselves is actually insanely simple to reverse this perspective. Stop fixating on what other people are saying and doing on the money the connections the outward appearance of things instead look inward.

Focus on the smaller internall changes that lay the groundwork for much larger change in fortune, it is the difference between grasping at an illusion and immersing yourself in reality. Reality is what will liberate and transform you.

In any event the gold that you chase after is learning and the acquisition of skills not a fat pay-check. The way to transform yourself is through your work. They are not connected to process so any changes that occurs dont last, instead through our work we can actually connect to who we are instead of running away.

By entering that slow, organic process we can actually change ourselves from the inside out. In a way that is very real and very lasting. This process inlves a journey of self – discovery that can be seen as quite spiritual if you like.




1. Ne Te Quaesiversi Extra = Do not seek outside yourself “look within”

The ultimate form of self – mastery lies in searching for answers on your own, relying on noting external. You think for yourself rather than sheepishly accepting other people’s ideas.

You value your individual experience, over the knowledge gained from everything else. That is why reading is not enough. You must apply what makes sense to you and learn from it first hand. You know the lack of conviction would not result in innovating ideas, but in accepting what you have been taught and identifying with it as a whole.

In other words you inevitably end up beliving the nonsense of others, their ignorance spreads over to you if you dont make up your own mind. Ideally you form your opinion on lots of research from reliable sources and sticking to facts logic and persuasive argument.

You are unique, authentic individual, who trust his gut, and understands the profound power of a built – in bold and robust creative force. You understand that staying true to yourself doing what you think is right, is a necessity for true happiness.

You value authenticity and defend your stance in a world of mediocrity in order to keep ahead to keep leading.

2. Be informed :

Once you call the battlefield your home, you have gained a decisive advantage over the enemy. Whatever playground you are in there are rules, there is a limited amount of resource. There is behaviour that leads to success and there is behavior that leads to nowhere.

I think more people should trust their gut absolutely, but you need to have as much of the facts as possible first. Many authors spent their whole life thinking, researching, analyzing and reflecting on a certain subject then writing it all down in a consumbale comprehensible way and you can get that for 20 dollars, outstanding. Iam baffled.

3. Know where you are going : SMART

  • Specific
  • Measurable = how will you evaluate the extent to which the goal has been met
  • Achievable = Possible
  • Relevant = Does it fit in the bigger picture, we live once, so we might as well do our thing.
  • Time – Bound = Basically by when do you have to achieve my goals

With what frequencies in what time period? I would rather condense a low intensity work life with little pay into a few high intensity years with the potential of substantial wealth.


4. Make your own decisions :

  • Deep down in your heart you just know exactly what the right thing to do is.
  • It doest really matter what choice you make, because you dont make the right choice or wrong choice – you make a choice and then you make that choice right.
  • You will show the world what you are made off :
  • Dont you stay in their way, for you will hurt yourself

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star”