You just get used to a quality of life.
Came to environment when bad shit was happening all the time, all around me, everywhere.
So like, it di not seem that bad, i was kinda, looking back i was probably just traumatised by eveything at that age.. that.
I was desensitised to everything. There was nothing that could happen and nowhere i could go… and nothing that would shock me, cause…
I pretty much expected to like die anyway, so…
It is like there is this, bad person inside me and they are like stomping on the good bit, that i know that is there… And iam like get out.
I feel like there is like this disease or this like… this infection insde me, that makes me this way. All this bad stuff that is inside me, all this dirt. That i just need to get out.
Deep down iam a good person, but it is deep, deep down in there. It takes a lot to get to it, and i just… it frustrates me so much, cause i have tried to get all the bad stuff out, when i think about it in my head, that is how i think it is like dirt… And i have tried to get the dirt away, every single way. Man I have tried jagging it away. I have tried shagging it away, I have tried snorting it away. I have tried drinking it away, I have tried fighting it away. I have tried slashing my own arms away.
I have tried, I have tried everything to get it out.