KOMIK PENIS RASA ES LOLIPOP BATANG

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YOUR FUTURE

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Your future is not defined by those who left, you shouldn’t have to wait for anyone or plan your future around someone who left in hopes they could come back.

Your future is not tied to the ones who don’t care about having you in their future, it’s not tied to anyone who leaves and expects to come back and find you.

Your future is not tied to the ones who couldn’t love you or the ones who didn’t believe in you, it’s not tied to the ones who told you that you can’t do certain things or follow your dreams, it’s not tied to the people who wanted you to settle for a life you didn’t enjoy.


Your future is not tied to the ones who fooled you, the ones who made promises they couldn’t keep, the ones who kicked you when you were down, the ones who pretended to be your friends because they needed something from you. Your future is not tied to anyone who betrayed you or anyone who took your love and kindness for granted.

You don’t have anything to prove to these people, you don’t have to work so hard to prove them wrong and you don’t have to consider them anymore when making a decision. Their opinions don’t matter, their criticism will no longer be heard and what they think of you shouldn’t bother you because they’ll never see you for who you are and they’ll never see you as someone capable of doing great things because they’re only interested in seeing themselves, they’re too busy focusing on their own greatness to realize yours.
Your future is not tied to anyone who doesn’t think you’re great or someone who is not afraid of losing you. Your future is not tied to people who belittle you or make you feel small, it’s not tied to people who forget you. Your future is not tied to people who make you feel like you’re not good enough.


Because the people in your life make all the difference; in your confidence, in your energy, in your determination, in your willpower, in your self-love and in how you see the world and the future. So don’t pick people who make you fear the future or attract the same toxic patterns of the past, don’t pick people who are waiting for the first sign of trouble to leave, don’t pick people who find excuses to leave instead of reasons to stay.


Don’t pick people who won’t make your future brighter, only pick those who are not afraid of the dark and know how to find the light. Pick the ones you can count on because you will need the right kind of people around you when you’re down. Pick the ones who love you enough to stay no matter how difficult you are and how diffcult your journey will be. Pick the brave ones, the ones who are only scared of losing you.

DANIAR

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Cahaya kuning senja yang semakin lama menjingga menyiram jalanan, meyiram segenap perasaan yang ta berhenti sejenak dari upacara kehidupan.

Cahaya itu beranjak lalu melesat-lesat, membias dan membelai rambut seorang wanita yang melambai tertiup angin, wajah wanita yang membelakangi cahaya, tapi tidak terlalu meyilaukan sehingga bisa ditatap, tapi aku ta ingin menatap mu seperti keindahan yang segera hilang, semcam kebahagiaan. Wajah itu juga memantul dari genangan air disekitarnya, genangan air yang tak pernah bergerak memperlihatkan langit senja. Aku tak akan lupa saat-saat pertama kali aku menatapmu. Kau sedang berdiri di sana, dalam remang senja langit yang kemerah-merahan, senja menjadi begitu sendu dan mengharu begitu indah. Segala pesona senja yang akan membuat kita jatuh cinta terlalu mudah.

Perlahan aku melihat ke langit jingga yang menaungi wajah kebahagiaan diriku. Kamu menoreh ke-atas dan melihat layang-layang dilangit bertarung dalam kekelaman jingga yang memudar. Sebelum jingga menghilang, saat jingga semakin mengungu aku harus menyatakanya padamu.

Kau duduk sebentar di bangku taman kota itu, aku melihatmu, aku duduk di sudut berseberangan dengan wajahmu. Seolah-olah aku menulis surat cinta terhadapmu, surat yang kutulis di bawah cahay senja yang merah temaram, di sini, di tempat aku memikirkan dirimu.

‘wanita tercinta tanpa bernama, apakah kau melihat ke arah yang sama? Memandangi senja yang menyelimuti kota yang perlahan-lahan merubahnya menjadi malam.

Kutulis surat ini kepadamu disana perlahan-lahan, bukan tangan yang bergerak di atas kertas melainkan hati yang menterjemahkan dirinya ke dalam tinta, aku harap kata-kata ini merungkuh dirimu’

Aku berhenti menulis sejenak, ku lihat langit disekitar semakin menggelap, seolah-olah matahari di luar sana telah mengkerut, perlahan-lahan menjauh, tapi itu tidaklah sepenting dengan wanita tanpa nama itu. Aku melanjutkan gerakan pena ditanganku.

‘wahai wanita tanpa namaku, apakah suasana ini indah bagi kita berdua, bisakah kita tinggal abadi, seperti daun melayang tertiup angin yang kita tidak tahu lagi ada dimana, namun masih tetap tinggal indah dalam kenangan kita’

‘aku berharap kita tinggal di sebuah ruang dalam semesta yang dimana waktu tak tercatat, kau dan aku berbisik dalam kegelapan, kita saling menyentuh, saling merasa.’ Aku kembali berhenti menulis senjenak.

Kemudian Aku melihat sekitar bahwa cahaya keremangan berubah menjadi kegelapan, bola matahari tenggelam dicakrawala, jauh – jauh diluar kota. Matahari senja yang lenyap ditelan gedung-gedung bertingkat. Kini kekelaman tinggal di kota, kota yang riang menjadi temaram, ditemani oleh kegenitan cahaya listrik yang kemudian berkeredap riang di antara kelam, menghabiskan hari-hari yang terulang ke-sekian.

‘wanita tanpa nama, aku ingin membangun dunia kita sendiri. Wanita tanpa nama jangan tinggalkan aku dalam kesunyinan dan kedinginan dalam pekat malam ini, aku ingin menghabiskan waktu bersamamu dari kelam ke kelam, kita arungi waktu bersama’

‘aku ragu mendekatimu, aku pesimis bahwa kau akan menerima perasaaanku, bahwa kau ta tertarik secara fisik terhadap diriku, aku yang peduli terhadap dirimu dan kau yang tak pernah memandangku bahkan tidak berfikiran untuk perduli terhadap orang asing seperti diriku’

‘apakah harusnya aku tidak perduli dengan semua ini, terhadap serbuk-serbuk perasaan yang tersisa untukmu, aku takut bahwa serbuk-serbuk perasaan itu dihempaskan oleh kata-kata mu, bagiakan lenyap hilang ditiup angin, bertebaran berantakan bercampur baur dengan debu yang berterbangan’

Ah sudahlah, aku beranjak dan menapaki langkahku ke arahmu berharap bahwa aku akan mengenali serbuk-serbuk perasaan itu kembali jika arah angin kembali menuju ke arah kita. Perasaan – perasaan yang seolah olah membuat kita berkata ‘aku seperti pernah berada disini, pada suatu hari, pada suatu masa, entah kapan, dari masa lalu ataukah masa depan’.

Aku sampai di depan wajahmu, aku merasakan cinta. Aku tak mengerti kenapa, memang ada saat-saat diamana kita tidak harus mengerti apa-apa, tidak perlu memaklumi apa-apa dan tidak perlu menyesali apa-apa, kecuali hanya merasa bergerak dan menjelma.

‘hi, naufal’ sambil menawarkan jabat tangan

‘Daniar’ dia berkata.

Lampu – lampu kendaraan disekitar kita membentuk untaian cahaya putih dan cahaya merah yang panjang, Wajah penjual kopi bermunculan dan mereka menawarkan ke setiap orang-orang yang duduk di bangku-bangku taman itu.

Aku memesan kopi, dan aku akan mengenang wakut dalam gelas kopi itu yang akan mendingin sebelum embun pagi tiba.

Kita saling bertanya satu sama lain, tentang siapa diriku, siapa dirimu. Bukankah kita sudah cukup bahagia, meskipun hanya saling bertanya? Kau mencertiakan pahit, getir dan perjuangan hidupmu, begitu juga diriku. Begitu banyak kabar dari jauh, tentang orang-orang yang kita termui, yang mengabarkan tentang ruang dan bumi yang selalu mengeluh. Begitu banyak kepedihan di jalanan, darah berceceran dan kita begitu sibuk dengan perasaan kita sendiri – tapi apalah salahnya? Kadang aku berfikir tentang betapa hidup itu fana, sepotong riwayat di tengah miliaran tahun semesta.

Kita berdua saling bercerita, seperti dua orang di belantara peristiwa, bertanya-tanya tentang apakah kita masih punya arti, dalam ukuran tahun cahaya? 😥 dalam sepotong percakapan yang kadang-kadang terganggu.

Aku ingin percakapan kita utuh, ah sepertinya tak pernah untuh dan ta pernah selesai, dan tak pernah menjadi lengkap. Namum siapa yang menuntut semua ini harus sempurna?

Aku gagal menyatakan perasaanku sebelum senja temaram. Tekatku berubah untuk menyatakan perasaan sebelum aku kehilangan malam. Atau seharusnya aku tahu bahwa semua ini tidak bisa menjadi apa-apa, tak perlu menjadi apa-apa. Aku sudah senang meski hanya saling memandang, dan tak perlu menengok segala penyesalan sebelum pertemuan.

Tak ada yang bisa disalahkan, tak perlu harus bertanya, kenapa harus jadi begini. Aku bertanya tentang apakah kita harus memanjakan perasaan? Atau memang sudah waktunya kita harus menjadi kejam kepada diri kita sendiri, membiarkan perasaan kita menggelepar seperti ikan, dan mencoba hidup bersama dengan kenyataan? Tapi apakah kamu bersedia menjadi teman hidupku dan hidup bersama-sama denganku?

Sudah terlalu seringku mendengar tentang seorang yang manti sendirian di kamar, kesepian, tanpa teman, membusuk perlahan-lahan, aku tak mau seperti itu, atau jangan-jangan aku akan mati seperti itu.

Kita berbincang dan kemudian aku menyembunyikan perasaan bahwa kamulah orang yang akan selalu kurindukan dan kucemaskan dan aku ialah seorang yang menyandarkan kehidupanya pada perasaan, dan perasaan itu ialah kamu.

Bintang mengintip dilangit yang bersih disaat kamu menyapukan lipstik kebibir. Perasaan ragu dan perbuatan dungu yang berharap kau pun tahu. Perasaan yang merubah menjadi gelap menghitam, langit berubah menjadi muram, gerimis pun melintas setelah senja, aku ta tahu masikah aku akan bertemu ‘malamku’. Dalam jejak senyap malam, langkahku mendekat diselimuti hujan, aku mencinta dalam sedu sendan yang tak bertanya. Apakah masih disebut cinta apabila tidak terdapat kebahagiaan padanya?

Kita semua memang akan menjadi tua Dan, tapi siapakah yang akan merasa kehilangan? Kita tidak akan pernah pergi ke mana-mana Dan, percayalah kita, kamu dan aku akan tetap tinggal di sini, saling mengenang ketika senja tiba selamanya. Aku menulis ini untuk mu, dalam huruf-huruf yang membentuk kata-kata cetak, yang tidak akan pernah hilang untuk selama-lamanya.

 

VENT #8 (MITCH ALBOM – TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE)

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Happiness.exe has stopped responding.


“If you hold back on the emotions, if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie



“Don’t cling to things because everything is impermanent.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“Well, for one thing, the culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. We’re teaching the wrong things. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it. Create your own. Most people can’t do it.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie



“Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do somehing else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. Let it come in. We think we don’t deserve love, we think if we let it in we’ll become too soft. But a wise man named Levin said it right. He said, “Love is the only rational act.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent… But detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you.
On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it…You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief… But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.You know what pain is. You know what love is. “All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“The truth is, part of me is every age. I’m a three-year-old, I’m a five-year-old, I’m a thirty-seven-year-old, I’m a fifty-year-old. I’ve been through all of them, and I know what it’s like. I delight in being a child when it’s appropriate to be a child. I delight in being a wise old man when it’s appropriate to be a wise old man. Think of all I can be! I am every age, up to my own.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“We’re always waiting for something. It starts when you’re a child; sitting in front of the oven waiting for the cookies to bake. It’s knowing that you’ve done everything right and now all you’re waiting on is the reward for your hard work. It’s in your teens, when you’re engrossed in “happily ever after” syndrome – waiting for your prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet and into the sunset. It’s when you’re eighty, slowly opening your eyes and feeling the world engross you in its entirety. Waiting for that moment, the moment where you close your eyes and the pain disappears – waiting for heaven to take you away. Throughout life we’re taught to wait; we are taught patience, love and compassion. We learn that life is about waiting, it’s about staying positive and looking forward to the future, no matter what may come our way.”

– Unknown


 

US

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It is strange how often a heart can be broken before the years can make it wise.


At some point, we weren’t just together. We became something that everyone knew about, and was happy to see happening. We were so known for being in our relationship, that it made it hard for us to be in love and go through tough times without the world watching every moment.

I miss the days when the only people that knew we were in love were us.


“You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it.”


Here. This is for you, just because”

Completely flustered and flushed in a pink tone of joy, due to the genuine act of kindness and love, you manage to mutter a short “awe, you shouldn’t have” through your trembling lips. These flowers now carry a whole new level of significance simply for the fact that it was from your lover. And so you nourish this token of love with the utmost fragility. You never forget to fill the vase with water and it has now become a beautiful center piece that ties your entire bedroom together like the final bow on any gift, completing the masterpiece.

Yet you find yourself spending most of your efforts struggling to keep these flowers alive because you couldn’t bare the thought of letting this token of love perish. What would it mean? That you failed what appears to be the easiest thing to handle? The idea pains you and you continue to fumble through the seconds that pass because you start to realize that it is inevitable. Everything dies.

Then you become the sole witness to such a beautiful death.

And this is the sad truth to all that lives.


I’ve seen way too much and wore my heart on my sleeve way too often to forget what it’s like to feel so fragile and impermanent. i’ve built cities from the depths of broken hearts only to watch as they burst into scintillating luster but i’m only human and humans try until they bleed or until life robs them of strength. i’m tired and my eyes are weak from the burning desire to see beyond the concrete truths. This is all that it’ll ever be, between you and i, me and the next, just like how it’s been with everyone else. i am that comfort, that change, that temporary escape; a distraction. i’ve accepted that a long time ago so I stopped hoping for things to be different. i’ll help you and i’ll hold your hands but when my time is up, i’ll be on my way again and i’m supposed to believe that it’s okay.