All my life is appearing in front of me, clsoed inside a box. Everything that is inside is unfinished. For a moment I try to judge it. I try to say to myself that it was a beautiful life. But I cant.
Because it is only an unfinished sketch. Acting eternity, I understood nothing.
Sad for the kid, I dont really like this kid. So thin, fear has disfigured him. Before he was handsome, and now even if they let him free. He will never be young again.
I cant have pity, cause pity makes me sick. Death, death disenchanters everything.
I see it all in front of me like a picture, probably it hurts a lot. It is not like an ordinary pain, it is totally different.
I try to understand it, but is seems like a nightmare. I can really imagine it, and then it evades me. Exactly when I reach it, it is not there. I am not, we are not made to think like this. I dont feel nothing, I felt nothing.
Last night, I would give everything to see her once more. Now I dont know if I want to see her. My body is gray. Im the one who will die, I cant take anything from her eyes anymore. Im alone.
In death we are all alone.
He is alive and trembling in the cold.
He is a man that thinks about tomorrow, about a future full of life.
I have to touch myself to know that im alive. Sometimes I feel like fading into nothing. If they would let me go now, in the state iam, nothing would change.
If i have couple of hours, or If I have couple of years left, it is not important anymore. I have lost that sense of immortality.
My friendship with him died last night. Together with my love for Alma, and with wish to hold on to life. No life is worthier than mine!
But you know what? fuck the resistance, fuck the cause, fuck ideals, when you die nothing is important anymore. Nevertheless I could save myself but I dont do it. Strange, why I dont do it?
What a blast, to send all these idiots to run for nothing at all. Tighten your belt, give orders, go you trained monkeys.
I could not resist not to make fun of them, Im going to die anyway.