But I mean fuck it I guess, might as well get more use to the loneliness,adapt or die.

through darkness and pain and strife I’ll sing, be, live, see

Let’s be face to face. Holding back our feelings when alone but on the internet posting it like we’re really cuttin the chase. It’s amazing how we can feel another persons emotions from a mile or two away. Almost like the human spirit is an electric wave that can’t be swept away even after the body drops and the pupils have dilated. Because when you’re strong enough to face your demon and hers and his and ours, you’ll see that there’s a mold to be broken. When you dig deep into someone’s skull as you pick out the words that have been seeping through the skin while it’s being spoken. I can’t help but to be the one that wants to save those who can’t save me and to be the one that needs to be saved when I can’t even save myself.

Now as the rain falls like shattered pieces of glass from the sky,
We bleed like water colors and drunken pastels down the stairways.

We were two lost souls
that werent meant for each other
but held on together
because we were too afraid of being alone.

Everything is temporary, emotions, thoughts, people and scenery. Do not become attached, just flow with it.

Deep in the meadow under the willow a bed of grass a soft green pillow lay down your head and close your eyes and when they open the sun will rise

Scream. Scream and release all that negative energy pent up inside you. Scream and imagine your voice is pushing all the negativity away from you. With every inhale, positivity and healing flows through your body and soul. With every exhaled scream, negativity and hurt rushes out of your body and soul. Release all that hurt, anguish, sadness, anger with your most emotionally, gutteral screaming. You are okay. You will heal. It won’t be bad forever.

Manage our expectation
Acknowledge the addiction
Accept the condition
Then move on

I guess that is all survivors have to do. This, of course, without considering the financial or any particular systemic factors that may hinder them to go away from the abuser.

And they make you question everything about your self.

Jadi begitu lo berasa ada yang salah ma kelakuannya, biasanya akan di-gaslight juga atau diputarbalikkan sampai lo yang berasa lakuin kesalahan.

Thus rejected she lies hid
in the deep woods, hiding her blushing face
with the green leaves; and ever after lives
concealed in lonely caverns in the hills.
But her great love increases with neglect;
her miserable body wastes away,
wakeful with sorrows; leanness shrivels up
her skin, and all her lovely features melt,
as if dissolved upon the wafting winds –
nothing remains except her bones and voice –
her voice continues, in the wilderness;
her bones have turned to stone.”

— Metomorphoses, Ovid (8 A.D.)

“survival of the fittest.” In the animal kingdom, the dominant male in a pride of lions fights his way to the top and is the first in line to feast on a group kill at the expense of weaker members who risk starvation when resources are low. Female lions don’t typically pair with those weaker males, they seek to mate with the dominant male in order to maximize the survival of their offspring. So it may be with people, where success can be associated not only with confidence, but dominance and a proclivity for interpersonal exploitation as well.”

How Love Bombing Works

Love bombing is an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection. We’re not just talking about romantic gestures, like flowers and trips. Love bombing invariably includes lots of romantic conversation, long talks about “our future,” and long periods of staring into each other’s eyes. It’s the combination of words and deeds that makes love bombing so powerful, especially considering today’s technology. The ability to call, text, email, or connect on social media 24/7 makes it easier to be in constant contact with the object of one’s affection than ever before. 

Love bombing works because humans have a natural need to feel good about who we are, and often we can’t fill this need on our own. Sometimes the reason is situational, brought on by an event, like divorce or job loss. Other times, it’s more constant and traces back to our childhood. Whatever the source, love bombers are experts at detecting low self-esteem, and exploiting it. 

This is not to say that idealization by itself is unhealthy in romantic relationships. Over time, all couples can grow to think of each other in these ways, but the key is “over time.” No matter how perfect the connection, how great the sex, or the seemingly endless list of mutual interests, you can’t get to really know someone in less than six months. That’s why “love at first sight” is often a recipe for disaster.




Who here wants less out of life? We dont.

We want more of life, we all want more fun, more travel, more excitment, more impact.


You scared about life that you dont fuckine ven know why should you, no reason or it could be not scared as it looks.

You dont get reward out of life without taking the risks.

Everyday is the different crossroads, with what you do with your time, if you are consuming you are not thinking then who is in control? When you are not thinking we start to not want to think for ourselves. They dont like to be alone with their own thoughts to sit along with their own thoughts. 

Will you look back from your deathbed and say : “im really happy that i binged and watched three netflix series”

Or would you rather have spent that time planning that trip, worring on that book outlines, figuring out what you are going to do after uni. It is all about paradigm shift : an important change that happens when the usual way of thinking about or doing something is replaced by a new and different way.

Everyday is a flight to dissolve your bondaries and push the limits of what you can do. That more that we all want out of life is avaible to us but it is more and more hidden by layers and chaotics that we have introduced, this cast sucks our time and it makes us difficult to accomplish what we want  in life.

Because time and our brain cycles are  ours, to take back. But who is in control your mind it is the most important thing. Break the cains and you free your miond and you can start to evolve faster towards the more that we all want out of life.

[Mind control : How to win the war in your head]

My mind tells me i want to, but i just dont know. They dicide to life down, genocide of the mind. We are not like to be wrong or weak, so we justified ourselves, that we think is being strong. Warning you cant bully me.




Major depressive disorder, are you depressed or something, cause depression leaves you numb. Unable to feel the only feeling you are left with is fear. This is prepetual anxiety, living in fear can become a habit.

So can challenging and overcoming that fear also become a habit, what is instead of allowing fear to control my life, you did something evertyday that scared me.

Instead of focusing on the fear, I would focus on what by beyong the fear. On what I could possibly pursue beyond this fear, you see in life our fears prescribe certain pursuits to us. Pursuits that we feel safe, within the confines or context of the sphere.

I decided for you myself on certain pursuits not prescribed by fear. 

  1. Pursue experiences not things, : you see the one who dies with the most toys win right – stories entrusted to me changed me and by discovering these new worldswere opening up inside me and gradually i started to realize that one single experience on single encounter can add more value to your life. This was really scary at first but you see, you have to let go of what you are holding on to be able to take hold what lies on the other side.

Example : If you can imagine a two year old holding his favorite toy and you wanting to give him a new toy a better one but he doest want to let go of the old toy because he doest understand what you are actually trying to give him something that is nice. That is better than the thing he is cluthing that experience became a symbol of this process of letting go of the importance of lightening our load.

Then i asked myself that is in my backpack right now, is there anything i can let go? what is holding me back is there anything in your backpack today right now, that you can let go?

It doest have to be stuff it can be a draining friendship or maybe some negative thoughts, let it go… Because you see by holding on to what we think has worth, we are depriving ourselves from the opportunity to pursue what is truly valuable (experiences).

2. Pursue Friendship Not Likes

Social media would become a refuge a hiding place a stage on which i could retained that my life was perfect.

3. Pursue challenges not comfort : why dont you push your shipper discover what lies beyond your distant horizons, why not do something today that scares me?




There is only one voice in my head, i cant do this. Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone. It is not scary as it looks, that is thought led to a whole new world.

I’m scared entering new relationship because I dont want to be hurt again, embracing uncertainty, we are all scared of uncertainty, giving up all you have to pursue a dream that may or may not work out.

Convince someone without guarantee, it is incredibly hard. Maybe you will find somebody some points in your life it never as scary as it looks, it is leads to more possibilities.

“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate or more synonymous courage with heroic and brave deeds.

But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage.”

We certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.

Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.

I see life as a constant fight against comfort zone, you push it, it pushes back…

What is the frea thats hodling you back, what are you not saying or doing because it is outside your comfort zone. I dont try to get rid of fear that you will be afraid and then go do it anyways.