O Created Creature Creating


Days are spent,
dallying away
clothed and fake.
smiling, silly teeth,
fronting a frothing
rabid beast.

Nights are spent,
sinning in a saintful place
fighting feigning sleep.
minutes ticking tocking
rounding, raw and real.

Time is spent,
not so sparingly.
attempted effort into everything
to turn to get an empty nothing.
reality restricting the reaching
and fear forging unfortunate futures.

Life is spent,
wondering at wonderments
like skies and stars
and sex.
craters and curses
and consciousness.



i think the best time to say that you already  found the right one…

… is when you stop looking for more…

Before judging anyone else’s relationship, keep in mind that every lover has a different kind of love

Sometimes, you just don’t see the pure evil in someone so close to you because you want to believe with all of your heart that they are just going through some rough years. When in reality, they are damaged and only care about themselves.

~ a sad true story

WE STOP US (Dave Trott)

A guy I know told me a story about when he was growing up.
He said his dad worked away from home a lot.
The family: mum, two sons, one daughter, lived together in a largish house.
The father lived, Monday to Friday, in a flat a long way away.
He usually came home to visit the family at weekends.
Everyone knew the dad didn’t have much time for the family.
They knew he preferred to work away from home.
They knew it because whenever he came home he was in a bad mood.
He didn’t say much to anyone.
So the atmosphere was quite frigid.
He was grumpy and couldn’t wait to get away, back to his job.
So they knew he felt distant from the family.
At least that was their reality.
However, this guy had reconciliation with his dad before he died.
He asked his dad why he didn’t like coming home.
His dad said, “Are you crazy?
I couldn’t get a decent job near where we lived.
But I wanted my family to have the best life I could provide.
So I eventually found a better paying job, but it meant working in a different town.
I didn’t want to disrupt everyone, so I went on my own.
But I absolutely hated leaving my family.
All week I used to sit in my little flat on my own, and dream about the weekend and coming home.
How thrilled you’d all be to see me, how we’d all hug each other.
How you’d tell me all the things you’d been up to all week.
And you’d want to know what had happened to me.
But when I walked in the door, no one wanted to talk to me.
Everyone just looked up, and went back to watching TV.
I’d been away all week from the thing I wanted most.
I’d been doing nothing but working all day, and coming back to the flat on my own at night.
Just so my family could have a good life.
And no one cared.
No one was grateful and no one wanted to talk to me, so I didn’t talk.”

No wonder he got upset.
His reality was that he was sacrificing everything for the good of his family.
But he never told his family this.
He expected them to know.
But the family didn’t know, because he never told them.
Their reality was, he can’t love us because he keeps leaving us.
And each thought theirs was the only reality.
It never crossed their minds that their reality was just an interpretation.
So they lived it and, by living it, reinforced the interpretation.
Until it eventually became the reality.
Even though it wasn’t.
And if that guy hadn’t talked to his dad about it, before he died, they’d never have known.
Think about that next time you think you know what someone else’s reality is.
Like when you think you know what your creative director’s thinking.
When you think he doesn’t like you, for whatever reason.
Or when you think you know what everyone in advertising thinks about you.
When you think they all think you’re too old.
Or they think you haven’t won enough awards.
Or you’re just not trendy enough.
Or you’re too cocky.
Or when you let your interpretation of other people’s realities stop you.
You worry they’ll think you’re too arrogant.
Or they’ll think you’re a suck-up.
Or they’ll laugh at you.
When you let something that doesn’t even exist control your life.
See we don’t live in reality.
We live in our interpretation of reality.
And that’s what stops us.


Compelling.  this really captured reasons why we deviate to reality, how we refuse to go beyond what’s there. Understand. Not judge. Whether we admit or not, what we fear most in life is not having a home to come home to or a relationship that keeps us anchored.

45 Personal Questions To Ask Someone If You Want To Test How Co


1. Where would you like to be in 5 years?

2. What was the experience that impacted you the most in your life?

3. What type of relationship did you have with your parents?

4. Would you be with someone who doesn’t have the same beliefs as you?

5. How would your best friends describe you?

6. Do you usually follow your heart or your head?

7. Would you put your family or your friends first if you had to choose one?

8. What did your last relationship teach you?

9. What do you think of online dating?

10. Do you prefer dating just one person and see where it goes or dating multiple people until you make a decision?

11. What are the qualities you’re looking for in someone you want to grow old with?

12. What are you most grateful for in your life?

13. If you could change anything about your past, what would it be?

14. What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself today and why?

15. If a psychic could tell you what will happen in the future, what would you want to know?

16. If you knew that you only had one year to live, what would you change in your life?

17. If money and career were no object, what would you really be doing?

18. What do you do when you don’t get something you worked really hard for?

19. Do you hold grudges or do you forgive easily?

20. What are some of your favorite quotes and why do you relate to them?

21. Where do you go when you need some inspiration?

22. Who is the first person you call when you’re in trouble?

23. Which fictional character do you believe is the most like yourself?

24. What is the craziest thing that you’ve done with someone?

25. Do you like someone you’re interested in to pursue you or do you prefer to do the chasing?

26. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

27.  If you could marry anyone in the world, who would it be and why?

28. Do you think confessions make a relationship stronger?

29. Did you ever judge someone for the dark secrets they told you?

30. What is your dream vacation and who would you take with you?

31. What is one thing you’ve always wanted to cross off your bucket list, but haven’t yet?

32. Would you ever just quit everything and start over in a new country?

33. Would you relocate for love?

34. How do you feel about staying friends with exes?

35. What’s your love language?

36. If you could choose one superpower, what would it be and why?

37. What is your biggest regret in life so far?

38. Who is your role model?

39. What was your favorite romantic moment and why?

40. What is your favorite childhood memory?

41. Are you still in touch with your childhood friends?

42. What do you do when you’re angry?

43. What are your beliefs on God?

44. Do you believe in soul mates?

45. How long does it take you to really trust someone?

I Gambled On You But I Lost All My Stakes


I gambled on your words until they left me empty. I believed them until they lost their meaning, I trusted them until they no longer made sense. I cherished them until I realized they’re being said to everyone. I gambled on their sweetness, the way they made me smile, how they made my heart skip a beat and how I loved reading them out loud because they sounded like a beautiful song. I gambled on your music until it lost its rhythm.

I gambled on your persistence. The way you wouldn’t stop chasing me, how you came back after I pushed you away, how you kept telling everyone that I’m the one for you and the way you looked at me.

I gambled on your eyes because they showed me the truth; they showed me I was special, they showed me I was different and they showed me that I’m everything you dreamed of.

But I should’ve known that you’re a magician; you know how to hypnotize people only to snap them back to reality, leaving them confused, hurt and angry.

I gambled on your strength. Your physical, mental and emotional strength. I thought you’d pick me up whenever I fall; you said you’d pick me up whenever I fall. I thought you would lift me up as easily as you lift these heavy weights but I should’ve known that you already have enough weight to carry, that you can’t carry both your baggage and mine, that my baggage was too heavy for you.

I gambled on your energy. Your cheerful and vibrant energy, your astonishing aura and your ability to make those around you laugh and fall in love with you. I thought you would take me out of the darkness, that you would snatch me out of my depression and that you would make me laugh again. I should’ve seen the darkness behind your mask, I should’ve seen the pain behind your laughter, the stillness behind your energy and the silence behind your noise. I should’ve known that your true colors were all black. 

I gambled on your wisdom. The way you so perfectly have your life together, the way you achieve everything you aim for and how you guide other people to have better lives. I needed your guidance, I needed your advice and I needed you to lead the way. But I should’ve known that you’re actually lost, that you don’t know where you’re going, that you don’t know the way and that you had to find your way alone without anyone sharing the road with you.

I should’ve known that you’re used to traveling alone and that you enjoy being alone and I should’ve known that you were going to drop me off in the middle of the road when my company becomes too much for you to handle.

I gambled on your heart until it broke me. I gambled on your kindness and your generosity. Your caring smile and your soft touch, your warm hugs and your protective instincts. I thought I would be safe in your heart, I thought you would guard it better than I do. I should’ve known that your heart is shattered, that all you have left to give are bits and pieces and sometimes they’re just not enough for big hearts like mine. I should’ve known that you still need a long time to heal and sadly I’m not a doctor.

I gambled on your love until I lost all my stakes. I don’t regret it, but now I have to start over from scratch, trying to get back everything I lost with you, trying to gamble again like I used to and trying not to let your experience stop me from gambling altogether.



Aku adalah kontradiksi.
Aku hampir tidak pernah benar-benar serius dalam suatu hal, tapi juga terlalu serius.
Aku kejam dan berdarah dingin, tapi juga sensitif.
Aku memakai logika, tapi juga bertindak impulsif.
Aku ingin bahagia, tapi selalu memikirkan hal yang menyedihkan.

Aku pesimis, tetapi ambisius.

Aku benci diriku sendiri, tapi juga menyukainya.

Aku terlalu idealis, tapi juga sangat realistis.

Aku bilang tidak peduli, tapi nyatanya aku memikirkannya.

Aku sangat menikmati kesendirian, tapi juga merasa kosong dan kesepian.

Aku tenang, tetapi kacau.

Aku haus perhatian, tapi aku menolak diberi perhatian.

Aku benci semua orang, tapi juga memiliki kasih pada setiapnya.

Aku ingin membangun koneksi mendalam, tapi selalu merasa terpisah dari dunia.

Aku lega bahwa aku hanya sebutir debu yang mudah terlupakan, tapi juga ingin dianggap ada.

Aku terlalu dalam, tapi juga terlalu dangkal.

Aku bisa ditebak dalam tidak tertebaknya aku.

Aku hidup, tapi aku mati.

Pikiranku berantakan.

Otakku adalah medan tempur.


Seperti halnya benda-benda material yang lucunya disusun oleh sesuatu yang non-material.

Seperti oksigen yang menyokong kehidupan, tapi juga menyebabkan kemerosotan keberadaannya.

Seperti ironisnya kebebasan manusia untuk memilih, tapi juga tidak bebas dari konsekwensi pilihannya.

Seperti alam semesta yang selalu mengada dan kekal, tapi juga selalu berubah.
Aku. Adalah sebuah kontradiksi.