Skin

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Skin… tells you how to touch it if you listen

And yours has been yelling

Telling the story of yes and no, stop and go slow like a snail that knows the next rainfall is at least a week away I listened to your skin say “right there”

As if there was where goosbumps become speedbumps my fingers become treetrunks slowly growing into forests

My skin becomes kindling as we begin smoke signaling lips to move in Your mouth was a bargain bin and I was looking for a deal

It was practically boxing day when I heard your skin say “your clothes. Are 100 percent off” and “your concerns were out of stock”. I could listen to your skin talk for the better part of weeks alone as it will speak to me of you turning knowledge into residues

Values determined by how much pressure I apply when I place my hands where you want me to

Vocal Acompanyment

You are the smiles I have sought with such relentlessness as if the dismisall of the aspects of my life and focus on now and how it is you came to be an answer to the question I asked myself the time I was alone Ive grown from the head.down refusing to plant my feet to the ground because only statues were made to stand still And i will walk to you so long as I hear your skin say you’ve got my back like vertebrae And that this constant back ache stems from the fact that you’ve cracked these bones back into position.

So I may stand for more than “beauty is on the inside” or “you can make it if you try” I am not a god damn symbol I just like you I put my pants on one leg at a time The only difference is when my pants are on… I am awesome But you want my pants off and well thats fucking awesome So you can save Roman hemmesy for someone other than me cause I wil be sober for this You can dismiss ice cubes, candle wax, handcuffs, and all that other stuff because I refuse to believe that my touch is not enough to turn you on because I will touch you like going is the new drug and both of us are gone I want your body to be something I did wrong I want you to hold on to the gifts of me

Vocal Accompanyment

This is just to say. I’d imagine you saran wrapped in black latex, where seeping out the edges is something tight and red

And i’ll close my eyes to dream of you, your back arched of the impossible angle of a bow pulled tight encouraging your shoulder blades to drip the blood of stock piled broken hearts

But I hope the sound of you not shielding your eyes from my blinding humility will one day top the charts Its the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard and you’re the Charlie Chaplin of your beautiful cause you make me say it all without saying a word and look what occured to me I could sit around all day, wearing nothing but your kiss You make mirrors want to grind themselves back down to sand because they can’t do your reflection justice

And this just in Im done with those who in life would’ve made me fight an army of imperfections a butallion of flaws. Tonight. We’re gonna keep this city up when they hear our bodies slap together like a bloss

Vocal Accompanyment

My Darling Sara

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“The failing use of my right hand

isn’t actually the failing use of my right hand

it’s just another way to tell the time

and I’m ticking

so I’ve been picking myself up at bars

with a bottle in each hand

but I never give myself any play

I only make plans with myself for the day after next

but by the time the sun swings back around into position

I forget the context of why I asked myself out

in the first place

did I think I was going to score?

I let a stranger pour me one more

she says

my name is Sara

doesn’t take much more than that

to start a relationship

My darling, Sara

cleans rooms for a living

giving her youth and beauty

to dirt and dust

understands more than most

that family must be the foot you put forward first

you must weather the worst together

but having never met her family

she places love above all else

then protests that I use the word love

too freely in poems

and I should really just say what I mean

and I suppose what I mean most is that

I’m trying

she’s been buying me time

on a maxed out credit card

arms scarred from selling her own blood

to pay down the debt

tells me she doesn’t mind going broke

just so long as I can give her a little sweat

she says

try

so I do my best impression

of a pen

and when every problem looks like a page

I commit ink to paper

the worth of the words that come out

determines my wage

I’ve been making enough

to pay her the compliment

of not quitting..

of not sitting

when standing is required

she only asks that I put the effort in

and in return she’s willing

to pin a paper heart to her chest

then do her best impression

of a target

She tells me that effort

is the siamese twin of success

so when everyone else looks like a wrong answer

she says she’ll settle for being my best guess

so we lie in bed like a mess

that someone’s been meaning to clean

for the large part

of a long while

we lie there like a pile of dirty laundry

and how we’ll ever come clean

is beyond me

so we don’t

she says

it’s supposed to be dirty

and if by the end you haven’t hurt me

then you didn’t try

so I do my best impression

of a surgeon

cutting purple hearts out of my own

use my veins like thread

then have hurt sewn to our skin like medals

because when the bleeding stops

and that dust settles

all we have are our wounds

to wear like decorations

upon our chest

Sara does her best impression of a war

tells me not to count my pride among casualties

because maybe faith means never keeping score

she says there’s more to effort than just switching gears

and in terms of what one should give in life

sweat holds more value than tears

you have to try

and even though

the failing use of my right hand

means I’ll never land a knockout punch

in the first round

life is composed of sound and fury

whatever noise is left in me

will be twice as loud when I try

so I plug myself into the idea of going the distance

and I amplify

My darling, Sara

has a throat like a vase

she sings her words into bloom

has voice like perfume

it’s been sticking to my clothes

so everyone knows where I’ve been sleeping

she’s been keeping me so close

you could use my body for evidence

pull her fingerprints as proof

that she’s been on top so often

she’s starting to look like my roof

but a real sexy roof

and she doesn’t leak

unless you count the crying

she does that sometimes

worries that she’s just a back up plan

My darling, Sara.

I’ve lived long enough to learn

too many choices can destroy a man

I will make no exodus

I’ll be around long enough

to watch uncertainty bid us farewell

the echo our names into the crater

caused by the impact

of when our lack of conviction fell

you’ve never had to sell me on the idea

of absolute certainty in the trustworthiness of another

the first and only time you met my mother

mom said

“I like the way she looks at you”

and I echoed back to her

that I liked it too.

eyes like recycle bin blue

Sara looks at broken things

as if she can make them new

more than a few times I’ve caught her staring

caught her wearing

a smile reserved for those busy making plans.

Sara believes that distance is a fundamental

that can be side-stepped by a piece of string

and two tin cans

and I remember when my tin can rang.

they said

there’s no family to speak of

so love is next in line

and there’s not a lot of time but

she’s asking for her boyfriend

in the cab to the hospital I feel my heart bend

as if bracing for impact

so I do my best impression of a man

and face fact.

it’s supposed to hurt.

a doctor does his best impression of the truth

and spares me his attempts to skirt around the issue.

they can’t stop the bleeding

and the failing use of Sara’s heart

isn’t actually

the failing use of Sara’s heart..

it’s just another way to tell the time.

My darling, Sara

I was holding your hand when you died

and even though the failing use of my right hand

prevented me from feeling you leave..

I tried.”

LITERATURE #9

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tell me about your heart

how it stole breath
from my lungs and
still warmed my veins


our blood mingles
when i slit those lovely blue veins ;
drink up darling,
this is our offering
our sacrifice


I made a home out of my own sadness.
You wanted to move in.
But darling.
The floors creak and the wallpaper is peeling.


the walls are dripping honey
maybe i should be grieving but
i only feel guilt and shame
that i could not
kiss the inside of your wrists
instead of putting a knife to mine


I think we’re all
just trying to survive_
the impact
of falling for someone
incapable of catching us


don’t build your forevers
on the foundation
of temporary people


Mad with lust
Delirious lovers

– Poet


I was a wretched vagabond in the sea of cosmic indifference, but you are the anchor of my existence.


I have a friend. One of the best. A musician like me. Two / three years ago he created this musical projects. I helped him wrote lyrics and records vocal and harmonica parts. Didn’t charged for it. He spent maybe 30 or more millions rupiah. The album doesn’t sell and he stops giving guitar tutor. Last month I met him, he already cut his long hair, grow beard, stop smoking because it’s haram, and talks haditz all the time. Cure him for the sake of humanity ? You can’t talk about humanity with people that are losing their job and angry.


Your words cut deep like a knife but i wish the best for ya
I ain’t got nothing but love for ya
Give you a shoulder to cry on
We can talk all night long
And then when the sun come up we can go wherever we want
You can do what you wanna do
Just know I’m right behind you
We stick side by side
The black bonnie and clyde


Your heaven, it could be Austria before it war.


Ambedo: (n.) a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee briefly soaking in the experience of being alive, an act that is done purely for its own sake.


Inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist.


 

TODAY

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Everything’s black now
You’re in my soul
Even if you shouldn’t
It’s cold today
Only you’re not here
We used to be together

I seek for your look
I remember it’s like the sunset
Red like my story
I cannot say
“Goodbye” to you
I’d rather fall silent

Days pass by, they’re always similar
I try to fly away
But I’m tired already

In my dreams, I never
Met you
For with you I lose my mind
But it’s better that way
I’d like to know who I am
In my dreams, sometimes
It happens that one of them isn’t mine
And these days I’m like the ocean
You don’t know if I’m alive
Look into my eyes

I see our sky
I want to go there
Someday, somewhere
My ship will stay here
But it’ll sail
Without a destination

My life is only winters
Not white at all
Without any reasons