POETRY #4 (DRAFT)

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Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate


I dream of words, spoken into infinite space glittering on with heavy beauty, and shadow and no shame.


The problem with putting people first is that you’re teaching them to put you second


There’s nothing romantic about loving someone more than they love you. Love isn’t pain


Up until now I had sworn to myself that I’m content with loneliness


She wrote the fairy tale, she was too afraid to live.


I’m full of love, and nobody wants it


Better alone than badly accompanied


Do you think it’s possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return?


If you were the moon, then i was the sun, if you were meant to bloom, then i was meant to burn


Do not bother holding on to that thing that does not want you, you cannot make it stay.


There is a name that escapes me. A thought that evades me. Finding you is like my fate that eludes me. If I failed to find you in the last life, let this one not be the same. For I will shed my humanity to bend even time and destiny. And if it takes a millenia, and the sun dies out, I’ll swim in space, in that supernova. And through the darkness I will find you, through the black hole, I shall follow.


I don’t want to be with half a person
I don’t want to be half a person
“I” doesn’t become “we”
It’s still “you” and “me”


Me: I’m okay.

People: Why just okay?

Message appears: YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERIENCED ENOUGH FRIEND TO UNLOCK THIS RESPONSE YET. TRY AGAIN AFTER REACHING FRIENDSHIP LEVEL 10!


 

Hoping to fall asleep before I fall apart.


Idealizing someone can be one of the worst feelings ever. You ignore all their flaws until you build them up into a great being but then, you learn their flaws and are disappointed that they dont reach the standard you’ve created. But really it’s your fault that they’re disappointing to you.


LONLEY

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She could tell something was wrong and asked if I wanted to talk about it but how do I talk about the stupid illogical demons in my head without sounding like a depressed anxious nutjob.

But truthfully I just wish I could tell her how lonely I was today. How much self hate I felt. How selfish I feel and fat and how it has been so hard to find will today. How exhausted I am.

How when I think about work I just want to curl up. And about how lonely I feel!!! And selfish! Did I say those already? I feel selfish because I’m lonely and I’m lonely because I feel selfish. I don’t want to rely on someone for comfort. Shouldn’t I just provide that for myself? But some days I just don’t know how to. But I try. But I feel awful. As I grow older I fear I mature and become unable to connect with people on a level where a bond and friendship occur.

SHOTS

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Shots fired from one side , and from the other.
Shooting at each other. The shooting that seems to be never ending.
All the damage that’s been done. Scars everywhere.

The shooting still going, burning my ear drums.
The chaos drowning me.
The battle still being fought. The battle that’s been going on for so long now.

Will the battle finally be over?
Will one of the shooters finally be gunned down?
I open my eyes; I see nothing but stillness.
But the shooting going on in my mind, has drown out any stillness that was left.
One shooter: sorrowful, accepts no positivity nor any hope.
The other shooter: positive, hopeful, accepting no sorrow.

My brain is the battle ground.
The war’s been going on so long now.
The winner seems apparent.

I wonder who the victor will be?
I wonder, when this battle will finally be over, what will the cost be?
Let the shooting go on, for the damage is already done, and it won’t stop, until one has won.

VENT #7

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I can only play if we’re on the same team, not opponents — if it’s us against others — if it’s us against the world.


So if this is a game to you, I don’t want to play against you, I don’t want to play at all. I just want us to be a team, I want us to root for each other and support each other. I want us to be so invested in making our team grow that we forget about the game, about the score


“Free election of masters does not abolish the masters or the slaves.” ― Herbert Marcuse


 

“If the worker and his boss enjoy the same television program and visit the same resort places, if the typist is as attractively made up as the daughter of her employer, if the Negro owns a Cadillac, if they all read the same newspaper, then this assimilation indicates not the disappearance of classes, but the extent to which the needs and satisfactions that serve the preservation of the Establishment are shared by the underlying population.”

― Herbert Marcuse, One-Dimensional Man: Studies in the Ideology of Advanced Industrial Society


“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” ― Maya Angelou


“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ― Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter 


“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” ― Maya Angelou


“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style” ― Maya Angelou


“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” ― Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter


“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” ― Maya Angelou


“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I’ll rise!” ― Maya Angelou


“Life—the way it really is—is a battle not between good and bad, but between bad and worse” ― Joseph Brodsky


“If there is any substitute for love, it is memory.” ― Joseph Brodsky


“[T]he longer you stay skeptical, doubtful, intellectually uncomfortable, the better it is for you.”


“…and love, as an act, lacks a verb” ― Joseph Brodsky, Collected Poems in English


My thoughts are just stars I can’t fathom into constellations


“Life the way it really is, is a battle not between good and bad, but between bad and worse” ― Joseph Brodsky


“Man is what he reads.” ― Joseph Brodsky


“If there is any substitute for love, it is memory.” ― Joseph Brodsky


“Life is a game with many rules but no referee. One learns how to play it more by watching it than by consulting any book, including the holy book. Small wonder, then, that so many play dirty, that so few win, that so many lose.” ― Joseph Brodsky


“He was a killer, a thing that preyed, living on the things that lived, unaided, alone, by virtue of his own strength and prowess, surviving triumphantly in a hostile environment where only the strong survive.” ― Jack London, The Call of the Wild


“Why, if there is anything in supply and demand, life is the cheapest thing in the world. There is only so much water, so much earth, so much air; but the life that is demanding to be born is limitless. Nature is a spendthrift. Look at the fish and their millions of eggs. For that matter, look at you and me. In our loins are the possibilities of millions of lives. Could we but find time and opportunity and utilize the last bit and every bit of the unborn life that is in us, we could become the fathers of nations and populate continents. Life? Bah! It has no value. Of cheap things it is the cheapest. Everywhere it goes begging. Nature spills it out with a lavish hand. Where there is room for one life, she sows a thousand lives, and it’s life eats life till the strongest and most piggish life is left.”

― Jack London, The Sea Wolf


“He had learned well the law of club and fang, and he never forewent an advantage or drew back from a foe he had started on the way to Death. He had lessoned from Spitz, and from the chief fighting dogs of the police and mail, and knew there was no middle course. He must master or be mastered; while to show mercy was a weakness. mercy did not exist in the primordial life. It was misunderstood for fear, and such misunderstandings made for death. Kill or be killed, eat or be eaten, was the law; and this mandate, down out of the depths of Time, he obeyed.”

― Jack London, The Call of the Wild


“He was a silent fury who no torment could tame.” ― Jack London, White Fang


“Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.” ― Jack London


 

GIVE IT UP

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Give it up.
Dreams of grandeur.
A famous future in a solid house.
A rich man’s car and trophy spouse.

Trade it in, for
Cold hard reality dawns upon us daily.
Broken mind and broken heart.
Too wrecked on the inside to start at the start.

Teach me a lesson.
Then bury me deep.
Give me a kiss.
Then send me to sleep.

Ready my soul for eternal damnation.
Poison spread across the reversible nation.
Destroying the old, and catching the young.
A murder–
Where I’d it coming from?

Is it time to just accept.
The shit hand of cards we were dealt.
So weakened, we’re inept.
An excuse for all the things we’ve felt.
And a mirror to show us ourselves.
What we know we are.

I’m ready for a dose of finality.
It’s soon to be.
The end of me.