FINDING THE ONE : MODERN DATING (ISLAND OF LOVE)

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Why do we get into relationships? We allow a person into our lives and into our hearts, risking heartbreak and emotional turbulence, hoping that the good times will outweigh the bad. We let our guard down in exchange for connection. We invest our very selves in something much bigger than us; the possibility of falling in love.

Finding “the one” is no easy task. It’s a strenuous game of trial and error that can leave us exhausted and crushed if we are not careful. In the search for connection we expose our most secret sides to another person, trusting that they will see something in us that is worth holding on to. But if finding “the one” is in fact so difficult and so wearying, why are we willing to give love a chance time after time?

These days, monogamy appears to be a dying concept. It seems as though less and less people are seeking something concrete and exclusive, opting instead for filler and fun. This concept can significafindintly complicate matters of relationships, because it can often be difficult to differentiate the ones who are seeking just another good time from the ones who are truly seeking someone to invest in.

In a world where the notion of monogamy seems to be disappearing as quickly as old-fashioned romance and dating, how safe is it to invest in the idea of something more? Are we just fooling ourselves, or do we really have another half? Are we betting too much in this love game, all the while setting ourselves up to be hurt?


And for once in your life, you need to walk away and suffer the loneliness.. because you believe that one day in the far and distant future, you’ll be happy. and not so cracked and broken anymore. and you won’t cry anymore. and when you smile, it won’t be a façade- it will be real. and that empty heart-shaped black hole in your chest will slowly fade back to a healthy pink color. and you’ll know that all the pain, all the sadness, everything you feel when you’re crying yourself to sleep.. it’s gone. and you’re stronger for it.

but until then, it’s going to hurt.. and you’re going to cry. and it’s going to continue to be the worst times of your life. and you’re going to wonder how long it’s going to take. and you will fake that smile until your face hurts. and you will drink until you forget. and then you will remember in the morning. and every day, it will hit you like a ton of bricks. and every night, you will wonder where he is, and what he is doing, and if he’s thinking about you too. and you will cry, you will cry, you will cry until you think you’re out of tears. but they will continue to fall…

– Anne Morrow Lindbergh, The Gift from the Sea


Some people live ironic lives. They are always surrounded by people but they always feel lonely. It’s a funny situation, it seems that they grew up being taught the virtues of selflessness yet they are always left being the ones cowering in a corner, waiting for their to be loved, wondering if they’re worthy to be loved at all. They always look for assurances in people who aren’t able to meet these expectations. They seek solace in lovers that could only provide a “lusting” moment, enjoying while its lust.

To them, love has become predictable – a predictable series of  fantasies they are drawn to live in. They wonder, always they wonder, if life could prove their expectations wrong at the end. That love isn’t possible to stay for far too long. But it has become a cliché – an overused confusion of a dreamworld that will inevitably promise to make them hope in vain.

People, feeble humans as they are, are always vulnerable. No matter how many times previous lovers have cautioned them to always hold their  shield up and guard themselves from falling too deep, they are always in need of being cuddled, being needed, letting their guards down, eventually succumbing to the mirage of forever.

Maybe, these people, regardless of how many times they are broken, need to be assured of their ability to love and to attract love. No matter how many wrong turns they take in love, eventually they still believe in a way out up ahead… even if it worsens… But then again, it’s in the worst times that you learn to trust yourself. It just sucks that people aren’t in the same position as they are… The end of the arrow may be as sharp as it can be, still people welcome it, hopeful that it will not hurt as much as they have experienced it in the past…

Yet.. They fail.  But they’re still welcome…:’(

CLOSING CYCLES (PAULO COELHO)

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Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need . This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need . This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

RAINMAN : DYSPHORIA

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I feel like walking under rain. I want to wash off the tears that never seem to run dry. Getting myself soaked will be a better alternative to this sadness. At the very least I can feel something other than this cheerlessness. I can be a kid again. I will gladly trade anything so I can be rid of the unhappiness that never seem to elude me.

Right now, I just want to walk under the rain. I want to be amazed with the sprinkles rather than the hurt that devours me. I want to catch water on my joined palms, holding something intangible even if it is for an ephemeral moment.

I just don’t want to answer the things I have been questioned of which I have no answers either. I just want to hide this dysphoria.

LOST AND FOUND : LETTING GO

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“I am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, and that a soft landing is never guaranteed.”

Sarah Dessen


People inspire you, or they drain you – pick them wisely.


In life you have two loves: one who changes the way you see yourself and the world, and the other who puts you back together after you’ve lost the first.


Sometimes, you just don’t see the pure evil in someone so close to you because you want to believe with all of your heart that they are just going through some rough years. When in reality, they are damaged and only care about themselves.

~ a sad true story


Things are never lost completely..
they are put away, misplaced or taken by someone else..
sometimes, they are transformed into something else..
just like the love you have for someone who is gone;
that love does not disintegrate..
one day when you least expect it,
you will find that things are less achy..
you will be amazed at how much the heart can bear..
and yes, you will be grateful for all that you’ve lost and all that you’ll find..
in time..


In an ideal world, you’d hope that everyone is paired. I  base this on the idea that everyone should at least have one person who would go to them. Ideally, your mother would have your father. Ideally, your daughter would have her husband; Ideally, you would have your lover. Throwing a monkeywrench into this, however, is age, more specially, a child has yet to meet their significant other, so they would have no one. This lack of attachment strikes me stronger than anything else, and that is why I apply my altruism to this situation. I would simply choose the person who has no one, so that they would have someone. even if that person is a complete stranger, as long as my loves are loved I would seek out the unloved and make them loved.


What’s the best relationship?
It’s when you both know you’re in love with each other,  yet you stay friends.


Letting go is what you do when you can’t hold on anymore. As if your hands are trying to grasp a grease-covered rope, a smooth-furred cat, or a friendship long past, slowly fading into the mist like a dream upon awaking. Letting go isn’t something you always want to do, and sometimes you grasp and flail and try to find some piece of what was there, but it’s gone. You try to figure out how it slipped away, and why you didn’t handcuff yourselves together when you could see clearly that you were standing side by side. Other times you don’t try to hold on. Other times, you see the thing you love walk away, down a long path, waving, or just going slowly, hands in pockets, down a trail that eventually ends in mist. Usually, when you watch them go, you realize what’s happening a little too late and you try to chase after them, to call into the mist and search and search, but you come out on the other side and find yourself alone.

Maybe you have a number that you’ll never call, or an address you’ll never write to, because you let it slip away.

Sometimes, you think about it, and you realize that maybe you could hold on, maybe you could struggle to find a foothold or a place where the rope comes unwound, and you could keep this thing if you both really tried. But you don’t, because it would be so painful, and because deep down you believe that one day you’ll be left alone, and all your pain and hardship will be for nothing. It’s usually worth it, but you usually let it go because you don’t realize how much it’s worth until it’s so far away that you can never catch up and tell him that you wish you had clasped hands and never said goodbye. And then maybe, every once in a while, for the rest of your life, you think about him, and you realize, that was good, that was real, that was worth saving, and aren’t I an idiot. And all you wish at that moment is that you could say you’re sorry and make it all better. But you won’t, because now the rope has torn, and trying to pull back on it will only rip it entirely in two. So you don’t, and you put away the pictures, the letters, and the memories, for another rainy day and hope that it doesn’t happen again. It will; but you’ll try.


you know you’re on the right track when you’re uninterested in looking back.

WAKING UP SOMEONE ELSE

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Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.

Lemony Snicket