LITERATURE #9

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tell me about your heart

how it stole breath
from my lungs and
still warmed my veins


our blood mingles
when i slit those lovely blue veins ;
drink up darling,
this is our offering
our sacrifice


I made a home out of my own sadness.
You wanted to move in.
But darling.
The floors creak and the wallpaper is peeling.


the walls are dripping honey
maybe i should be grieving but
i only feel guilt and shame
that i could not
kiss the inside of your wrists
instead of putting a knife to mine


I think we’re all
just trying to survive_
the impact
of falling for someone
incapable of catching us


don’t build your forevers
on the foundation
of temporary people


Mad with lust
Delirious lovers

– Poet


I was a wretched vagabond in the sea of cosmic indifference, but you are the anchor of my existence.


I have a friend. One of the best. A musician like me. Two / three years ago he created this musical projects. I helped him wrote lyrics and records vocal and harmonica parts. Didn’t charged for it. He spent maybe 30 or more millions rupiah. The album doesn’t sell and he stops giving guitar tutor. Last month I met him, he already cut his long hair, grow beard, stop smoking because it’s haram, and talks haditz all the time. Cure him for the sake of humanity ? You can’t talk about humanity with people that are losing their job and angry.


Your words cut deep like a knife but i wish the best for ya
I ain’t got nothing but love for ya
Give you a shoulder to cry on
We can talk all night long
And then when the sun come up we can go wherever we want
You can do what you wanna do
Just know I’m right behind you
We stick side by side
The black bonnie and clyde


Your heaven, it could be Austria before it war.


Ambedo: (n.) a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee briefly soaking in the experience of being alive, an act that is done purely for its own sake.


Inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist.


 

VENT #9

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You spend your days asunder. Wandering listlessly through isles of wonder. Thinking to yourself, you’re nothing but a bother. A simple thought of you gives meaning to my phrases. But here I am, letting you occupy my thoughts. Taking residence as the air I breathe You’ve carved your name into me So darling, feel at ease.


Genuine tragedies in the world are not conflicts between rights and wrong. They are conflicts between two rights. All this time I put myself down for you but you acted like you never seen them.


Sometimes I love the void between us. Cause sometimes the more we talk, the less words mean.


I see her standing there full of happiness looking up at the sky. I see her dancing without a care in the world. I start to walk over but the anxiety of doubt and fear of what she may think so I stop where I stood. She looks up and sees me from where she stands. She runs over with the prettiest smile and then says to me, “do you want to dance?” I said that would be a joy. Love started when the music of lost souls became one, under the sky. The problem is I’m too shy to dance in first.


Can A demon possibly fall in love?. Can it feel that pull in their heart? Can a demon feel at home. Curled up in a lover’s arms? And could a demon feel like that towards an angel?. A being just as powerful, but from opposite sides of the astral? And could that angel ever return that love?. Eyes meeting eyes, both with too many to count, wings tangled together? Could the angel ever look past the fact. That the demon has done wrong. Has done unspeakable things?. Could a demon fall in love?. The answer is yes, but it is unrequited.


You know… for some of you all this is the most intimate you’ll get. You’ll broadcast your secrets for understanding and relief, but in the end we’re more alone because we won’t do it in our actual lives.. We depend on you for our emotional needs (whether that includes acknowledgement or not) but simultaneously we are cut off from our actual lives from this mask of anonymity we created.


Just remember – when you think all is lost, only the future remains.


I remembered the night when she told her stories at the same time she cried. Then I said : when you can tell your story, and it makes you cry, that is when you know you have healed.’ — Now my words come around against me, what if it doesn’t make you cry, that is when I know I have healed yet. I guess…


Do you ever feel like you just climbed a mountain and than you climb down exhausted. And once you take that last step down. You look up from looking down at that last step you took just took, and you find yourself staring up at another mountain that you have to climb.


Sex is boring. I wanna make love with your thoughts, i want to drown myself into your mind, i want you to kiss my lips with your questions, i want you to stroke my neck with your both hands while you sing me a song about life.


“If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life.” – Pablo Neruda


How many scars did we justify because we loved the person holding the knife?


It is okay to cry. Crying is a natural response to pain. – baymax


Sex is the consolation you have, when you can’t have love.


Loving u was like navigating a dense fog. I convinced myself i knew the shapes of our landscape but when the sun broke thru the mist i realized i had been filling in blanks to comfort myself, and everything i thought i knew about us then i left, not recognizing what had made me fall in love in the first place.


I gave you all the air in my lungs and you lost it by kissing someone else.


Hug me from inside..


He was a silent fury.. Kind type of person like volcano mountain without eruption. And no torment could tame


Gw kadang suka monologue, jangan-jangan that im suffered from my false self consciousness which constructed on my own. Jadi apa dong yang real? Bisa jadi hanya diri gw. Semua narasi dari awal komentar yang gw buat disini ya false consciousness.


 

VENT #8

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Floating inside my mind. The sea of thoughts, suffocating. With infinite stream of consciousness, taking me to places I’ve never been. Dark, cold, and quite.


Maybe your journey is not about finding love, maybe it’s about loving yourself. Maybe it’s about rebuilding yourself or maybe it’s about walking away.


Maybe I’m also waiting for you to reach out because I need a sign from you, I need something that tells me that it’s safe to enter your territory again, that even if I make a wrong move, I won’t get burnt. I need to know that you’re waiting for me because I can’t be anunwanted visitor again.


If you’ve been living in depression and darkness because of a personal tragedy, you have to believe that there is a way out, that there is more to life than despair, that hope still exists and you have to dig deeper to find it. I dig deeper into rabbit’s hole and nothing to found.


You added meaning to anything meaningless because that’s the whole point, right? Silly things make sense when you share them with the right person.



They’re deep and they only crave deep relationships. They don’t do casual flings or friends with benefits and the modern dating scene is not for them because when they like someone, they want to get to know them on a deeper level and they want to be able to talk to them about the profound issues in their lives and in the world.


We desire to be loved but we’re not willing to give that kind of love to anyone. We do everything to alienate the ones we love because we’ve been told that showing love is weakness, that vulnerability is uncool and that rejection means that there’s something wrong with us.


Don’t worry when I yell at you or when I blame you. Don’t worry when I throw tantrums and send you long essays explaining why I’m mad. Don’t worry when I knock on your door in the middle of the night because I’m hurt.


My silence is more dangerous than my words, my silence can destroy much more than my words ever will.

My silence means you’re no longer the one who’s occupying my thoughts and you’re no longer worth the noise.


You should worry when my messages become one word answers, worry when I no longer fight with you about what you say, worry when I stop knocking on your door, worry when I stop talking and when I stop reacting.

Because this means you’re no longer worth the fight, you’re no longer worth the anger and your flames that used to burn my passion have now turned cold.



You see, I love words, I live for words, I can keep writing words forever because I can feel them, because they come from my heart, because they represent my depth and because they’re honest. But I hate silence. I’m not comfortable with the words left unsaid, with feelings left unattended and being neglected.


Begin to understand that at the end of the day you’re the only one who can help yourself, so you start being proactive in solving your own problems.


Alone with your fears which consequently makes you fearless.


I want someone who understands rejection, someone who has been haunted by loneliness and someone who has been broken before but still knows how to love.


Because when you pain, you know love.


I don’t want someone who doesn’t know pain. I don’t want someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to suffer, what it’s like to hurt, what it’s like to feel like you’re the only one dying when everyone else is living.


I was broken, I can’t depend on you to fix me. I need to learn how to fix myself.


I’m the home you live in, the home you come back to when you’re tired because it comforts you, the home you need when you want to feel safe, the home you run to when you need to be understood and the home you go back to when you need to feel loved.


But only few who can offer their arms to me


You wanted a short vacation but you rented the wrong place. This is why you never had fun and I never let you in.


The reason why a lot of people prefer causal dating is that they don’t have to feel and when you don’t have to feel, you don’t have to hurt.


I think whether you’re ready or not, you still need love, you still crave someone to talk to when you’re all alone at night, you still wish you could find that person who could understand you when you can’t even understand yourself, you still want your wounds to be kissed by someone who can heal them and you still want someone to calm you down and shelter you from the noise of the world and the noise of your own thoughts.


Don’t believe someone when they tell you they’re not ready, they are but they just haven’t met the right person yet.

No one can decide if they’re ready or not because love is not something you can control and sometimes it just happens and you can’t explain why out of all the people in the world, your heart decided to beat for this specific person.

But once they do, they jump in with both feet, they take the risk, they fall in love and they don’t mind the scars and the bruises that come with this jump because it’s worth it.



Give me the things that will last whether we’re rich or poor. Give me the things that will matter no matter where we are.

Give me unforgettable conversations instead of dinners, shower me with your secrets instead of your gifts, pick me up when I’m feeling down instead of picking me up in a car, be my star instead of buying me stuffs and give me something the world can’t take back, give me something the world can’t break and give me something that will never lose its worth.


Rejection teaches us that life won’t always go our way but we will still survive, it teaches us that no matter how hard we want something, it still might not be ours and it teaches us that it can sometimes save us from something we were not prepared to handle.


Why do we have to feel guilty for getting rejected? Isn’t rejection another word for trying?


Rejection is another word for redirection.


It’s the lonely days and nights we have to endure waiting for the ones we love to love us back. It only hurts when we give that love to the wrong person, when we convince ourselves that we can make someone reciprocate our feelings


Texting and keep texting until the words loosing their meanings..


I’m sorry but life does not get better, it only gets harder and you must make the circumstances better. Living is not for the weak so stay strong and push through your burdens.


“And when you are in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-Slumping yourself is not easily done.” -Dr. Seuss


We got different case here. Iam the one who dumped her, for another worthless chick. But the way how she made self coping method to ease the pain, really made me feel bad… Then I realize she is unique one. What is lost is lost. She irreplaceable. I play the game till I’m lose.


Her demons got to be too much so she sought solace in a tree. The hanging tree.


So if im stronger than you in my frame. So you would be sadder than me.


Open up, open up.. And stab me from within.


I can’t share the best of mine.. Sorry. I only select few of them to enjoy my inner most.


If you were quicksand I don’t mind if you sucked me in, lost till the bottom of rabbit’s hole. I dont mind if we were lost together. Me and you vs loneliness..


 

VENT #8 (MITCH ALBOM – TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE)

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Happiness.exe has stopped responding.


“If you hold back on the emotions, if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie



“Don’t cling to things because everything is impermanent.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“Well, for one thing, the culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. We’re teaching the wrong things. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it. Create your own. Most people can’t do it.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie



“Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do somehing else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. Let it come in. We think we don’t deserve love, we think if we let it in we’ll become too soft. But a wise man named Levin said it right. He said, “Love is the only rational act.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent… But detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you.
On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it…You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief… But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.You know what pain is. You know what love is. “All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“The truth is, part of me is every age. I’m a three-year-old, I’m a five-year-old, I’m a thirty-seven-year-old, I’m a fifty-year-old. I’ve been through all of them, and I know what it’s like. I delight in being a child when it’s appropriate to be a child. I delight in being a wise old man when it’s appropriate to be a wise old man. Think of all I can be! I am every age, up to my own.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


“We’re always waiting for something. It starts when you’re a child; sitting in front of the oven waiting for the cookies to bake. It’s knowing that you’ve done everything right and now all you’re waiting on is the reward for your hard work. It’s in your teens, when you’re engrossed in “happily ever after” syndrome – waiting for your prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet and into the sunset. It’s when you’re eighty, slowly opening your eyes and feeling the world engross you in its entirety. Waiting for that moment, the moment where you close your eyes and the pain disappears – waiting for heaven to take you away. Throughout life we’re taught to wait; we are taught patience, love and compassion. We learn that life is about waiting, it’s about staying positive and looking forward to the future, no matter what may come our way.”

– Unknown