VENT #5


She could tell something was wrong and asked if I wanted to talk about it but how do I talk about the stupid illogical demons in my head without sounding like a depressed anxious nutjob.

But truthfully I just wish I could tell her how lonely I was today. How much self hate I felt. How selfish I feel and fat and how it has been so hard to find will today. How exhausted I am. How when I think about work I just want to curl up. And about how lonely I feel!!! And selfish! Did I say those already? I feel selfish because I’m lonely and I’m lonely because I feel selfish. I don’t want to rely on someone for comfort. Shouldn’t I just provide that for myself? But some days I just don’t know how to. But I try. But I feel awful. As I grow older I fear I mature and become unable to connect with people on a level where a bond and friendship occur.


I still remember my childhood was. At that time everyone think ‘do jail do home, that’s normal’ and seems everyone, they wanted to test you. Being witness of a crime and did the same thing too. Acted out like there’s no limit in our velocity (fast life). My life was so fuckin intense. Everyone has a chapter they won’t read out loud.


Wish that i can be loved with a love that were more than love.


She thinks of love and loves to think. She wonders if its really that deep or just brief. She gets lost in her own world. She’s on her own in a lost world.

He thinks of love and loves to think. He wonders if its really that deep or just brief. He gets lost in his own world. He’s on his own in a lost world.

They both think of love and love to think?. They need eachother to feel complete?. They’re two lost souls that become a whole when they meet?. They get lost in their own world. They’re on their own in a lost world.


I wish she were here and I feel stupid for not talking about it just acting like a sulky child not telling her anything. But I know also that that’s so irrational!

It’s circling Its all just circling.


Time is passing by, fast. We all feel it. It stresses us out when we wake up and somehow it’s half way through the year, or we are older than we ever imagined!

When we feel stressed by time, it’s most likely that we aren’t focused on what is most important to us, we haven’t put time into our goals and dreams and our resolutions are at best, words on a page.

Today, get honest about all the ways that you waste time. Saying you don’t have enough time is an easy excuse that we all use, but in reality, everyone gets the same 24 hours a day and some people get a lot more done. What are your time-eaters?. Facebook?. Surfing the Internet?. Eating?. Spending time on the phone?. Shopping?. Sleeping too much?. Constantly checking email hoping for something fun?

Get really clear on what you choose to make more important than your dreams and goals. No one wins when you don’t value your time wisely.


“I think I know you better than you know yourself. You are scared and alone and want someone to save you. But at the same time you want to save yourself.”


“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light ; I have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.” – Sarah “Sadie” Williams : The Old Astronomer


Just like the island. I want to be alone. And sometimes people come. Having good times. Getting drunk. Hooking up. But I know they’ll always leave. And Im used to the feeling. That if someone doesnt leave. It makes me wonder why. Because why would they stay?


It’s funny because. I think the best way to describe you when people ask about you is: “She was the only person that loved me with honesty, and I broke her.”


“You are shaking fists & trembling teeth. I know : You did not mean to be cruel. That does not mean you were kind.” – Venetta Octavia


Maybe you are not the last piece of my puzzle, but I will shape mind, so that it can fit into you. No?


I close my eyes and picture heaven because hell is my home.


I know you feel the pain, but i do


Why do people promise to be different and end up being exactly wat they swore try wouldn’t be?


Staring at my roof in the dark makes me think too much knowing there’s no one Awake or around or having no one. I really have sunk Into horrid manners and a bad state of mind…I knew bitterness but this is a level beyond my reach of understanding.


Loving yourself is the most unselfish thing you can do, because the more you love yourself the more you feel connected to everything and everyone


Moon is shining bright tonight, stars tinkling in the sky, wind is carelessly blowing, trees drop their leaves outside, still, my heart feels so uneasy, lost.


Monologue : “You are only weak because your heart is lost between good and evil, set your heart to one and be strong”


Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.


Your eyes are like galaxies. Mine are like the sea.. Difference is that yours are heavenly; mine are drowning.


C’est la vie. She goes her way, and I do, too. We used to live in the same world -both literally and metaphorically- now, our worlds are separated by a wide gap, even wider than global inequality gap.


I wish i can found mine, when i found you.

 

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