VENT #5

Diposkan pada oleh Skeptical Inquirer

She could tell something was wrong and asked if I wanted to talk about it but how do I talk about the stupid illogical demons in my head without sounding like a depressed anxious nutjob.

But truthfully I just wish I could tell her how lonely I was today. How much self hate I felt. How selfish I feel and fat and how it has been so hard to find will today. How exhausted I am. How when I think about work I just want to curl up. And about how lonely I feel!!! And selfish! Did I say those already? I feel selfish because I’m lonely and I’m lonely because I feel selfish. I don’t want to rely on someone for comfort. Shouldn’t I just provide that for myself? But some days I just don’t know how to. But I try. But I feel awful. As I grow older I fear I mature and become unable to connect with people on a level where a bond and friendship occur.

I still remember my childhood was. At that time everyone think ‘do jail do home, that’s normal’ and seems everyone, they wanted to test you. Being witness of a crime and did the same thing too. Acted out like there’s no limit in our velocity (fast life). My life was so fuckin intense. Everyone has a chapter they won’t read out loud.

Wish that i can be loved with a love that were more than love.

She thinks of love and loves to think. She wonders if its really that deep or just brief. She gets lost in her own world. She’s on her own in a lost world.

He thinks of love and loves to think. He wonders if its really that deep or just brief. He gets lost in his own world. He’s on his own in a lost world.

They both think of love and love to think?. They need eachother to feel complete?. They’re two lost souls that become a whole when they meet?. They get lost in their own world. They’re on their own in a lost world.

I wish she were here and I feel stupid for not talking about it just acting like a sulky child not telling her anything. But I know also that that’s so irrational!

It’s circling Its all just circling.

Time is passing by, fast. We all feel it. It stresses us out when we wake up and somehow it’s half way through the year, or we are older than we ever imagined!

When we feel stressed by time, it’s most likely that we aren’t focused on what is most important to us, we haven’t put time into our goals and dreams and our resolutions are at best, words on a page.

Today, get honest about all the ways that you waste time. Saying you don’t have enough time is an easy excuse that we all use, but in reality, everyone gets the same 24 hours a day and some people get a lot more done. What are your time-eaters?. Facebook?. Surfing the Internet?. Eating?. Spending time on the phone?. Shopping?. Sleeping too much?. Constantly checking email hoping for something fun?

Get really clear on what you choose to make more important than your dreams and goals. No one wins when you don’t value your time wisely.

“I think I know you better than you know yourself. You are scared and alone and want someone to save you. But at the same time you want to save yourself.”

“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light ; I have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.” – Sarah “Sadie” Williams : The Old Astronomer

Just like the island. I want to be alone. And sometimes people come. Having good times. Getting drunk. Hooking up. But I know they’ll always leave. And Im used to the feeling. That if someone doesnt leave. It makes me wonder why. Because why would they stay?

It’s funny because. I think the best way to describe you when people ask about you is: “She was the only person that loved me with honesty, and I broke her.”

“You are shaking fists & trembling teeth. I know : You did not mean to be cruel. That does not mean you were kind.” – Venetta Octavia

Maybe you are not the last piece of my puzzle, but I will shape mind, so that it can fit into you. No?

I close my eyes and picture heaven because hell is my home.

I know you feel the pain, but i do

Why do people promise to be different and end up being exactly wat they swore try wouldn’t be?

Staring at my roof in the dark makes me think too much knowing there’s no one Awake or around or having no one. I really have sunk Into horrid manners and a bad state of mind…I knew bitterness but this is a level beyond my reach of understanding.

Loving yourself is the most unselfish thing you can do, because the more you love yourself the more you feel connected to everything and everyone

Moon is shining bright tonight, stars tinkling in the sky, wind is carelessly blowing, trees drop their leaves outside, still, my heart feels so uneasy, lost.

Monologue : “You are only weak because your heart is lost between good and evil, set your heart to one and be strong”

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Your eyes are like galaxies. Mine are like the sea.. Difference is that yours are heavenly; mine are drowning.

C’est la vie. She goes her way, and I do, too. We used to live in the same world -both literally and metaphorically- now, our worlds are separated by a wide gap, even wider than global inequality gap.

I wish i can found mine, when i found you.

 

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Diterbitkan oleh Skeptical Inquirer

• Central For Inquiry (CFI) • Skeptical Inquirer • Free Inquiry • Point of Inquiry ------------------------------------------------------------ 1. Yang nyata ialah manusia itu sendiri bukan tuhan, bukan manusia pikiran tuhan, tetapi tuhan adalah pikiran manusia, agama tidak merubah kenyataan dan mengukir sejarah, tetapi manusia itu sendiri yang merubah dan mengukirnya. Bukan tuhan yang menciptakan manusia tetapi tuhan adalah angan-angan manusia. Agama tidak merubah kenyataan tetapi menusia bisa merubah kenyataan. 2. Agama ialah proyeksi manusia : tuhan, neraka, surga, malaikat. Kenapa? Karena manusia butuh tempat untuk mencurahkan keluhan karena dunia tanpa hati, jadi penderitaan tempat lahirnya tuhan. Dengan demikian agama disebut keterasingan manusia dari kehidupan karena struktur masyarakat tidak mengizinkan secara penuh perealisasian diri sendiri, sehingga manusia membangun kerajaan angan-angan (agama). Dalam kenyataan manusia menderita lalu ia mengharapkan surga 3. kenapa agama khayalan, karena agama tidak inderawi, sedangkan manusia inderawi, manusia penuh dengan kepastian sedangkan agama berbau unsur spekulatif, unsur yang tidak bisa diterima secara ilmiah 4. Jadi agama dan tuhan ialah ciptaan manusia itu sendiri, tetapi manusia itu sendiri lupa dengan ciptaanya (seperti pada zaman jahiliyah dahulu sebelum nabi muhamad dating : orang-orang kafir zaman dahulu mengukir tuhan dari kayu dan batu, yang kemudian disembahnya, sama seperti kita kini yang memproyeksikan tuhan lalu menyembahnya). Agama penyembahan tuhan terhadap dirinya sendiri. Agama penyembahan manusia terhadap ciptaanya sendiri 5. Sehingga khayalan atau angan-angan itu mempunyai eksistensi realitas yang membuat manusia takut dan harus menyembahnya dan tuhan mempunyai hakikat lain yang manusia harus sembah. Sifat-sifat itu yang membuat manusia egois. 6. Penderitaan manusia ialah tempat lahirnya tuhan, penderitaan yang memaksa manusia mengasingkan diri ke dalam agama, itulah dasar yang menyebabkan manusia merasa butuh agama dan tuhan 7. Teologi harus diganti menjadi antropologi dan agama ialah candu rakyat. 8. Kritik agama hanya meruska bunga khayalan pada rantai, bukan bunganya yang harus dipatahkan tetapi rantai itu sendiri. Rantai (factor yang menyebabkan manusia mengasingkan diri ke dalam agama) 9. Kita seperti wayang dengan penuh kesadaran dan kemauan tetapi kita tidak bisa lepas dari tangan sang dalang. 10. Kalau semua ini benar, maka manusia bukan merealisasikan keinginanya tetapi mengharapkan berkah dariNYA (proyeksi manusia itu sendiri/perubahan pasif) 11. agama ialah keterbatasan: agama melarang kita bergaul dengan duniawi, sehingga kita hanya memikirkan surgawi Tanpa agama kita bisa hidup lebih baik, tanpa mengaharapkan hibah/welas asih dariNYA, hanya mengandalkan kenyataan dan diri sendiri. 12. Kepasrahan adalah kelemahan agama 13. Tuhan seperti halnya dengan setan, bila ia terus diyakini dengan adanya exsistensinya maka semakin berkuasalah ia, kita seperti member roh kepadanya dengan keyakinan kita. GROUP : https://www.facebook.com/groups/scientistsecularist