MONTHY PYTHON – PHILOSOPHERS SOCCER/FOOTBALL (MAIN BOLA)

Offside. No goal.

this is my favourite sketch and for me features Michael Palin at his commentary best. He sounds better than some of the real commentators who do it for a living! I also liked his radio commentary on the boxing match where the killer gets disqualified.

“And Marx is claiming it was offside”

And Marx is claiming it was offside” is quite possibly my favourite punchline in anything ever. Cracks me up every time.

Ridiculous. Archimedes had the idea to kick the ball, and he tried to kick it in the goal but Socrates simply mooched off him, intercepting it with his foot and kicking it himself. Socrates mooched off the real hero, Archimedes!

Or we think Socrates headed it when it could well be that Socrates is a figment of imagination and Archimedes just wanted to stay lowkey.

The germans should have lost because of Nietzsche scoring an own goal.

Marx, as usual, had to be the only Materialist amongst them Germans.

I can`t figurate, why comentator say that Nietzsche is number ten, when actual number on his suit is 5? Some inside joke? It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. All is void.

Nietzsche arguing with the referee, of course. 😀

i for some reason remember a variation of this sketch where one of the philosophers after the goal argues that ”The Ball doesn’t Exist”

“i for some reason remember a variation of this sketch where one of the philosophers after the goal argues that ”The Ball doesn’t Exist”” I thought they spent the first 15 minutes arguing whether the ball existed or not , but apparently I too live in an alternate reality .

“There’s the ball, there’s the ball.”

For those who want to know exactly what sort of beef the Germans have with the final goal: Hegel thinks it goes without saying that the goal did not happen. Kant thinks the moral thing to do is to say the goal is not real and beyond comprehension. Marx thinks it was offsides.

Nietzsche had three bookings in four games?! Damn!

So we have Michael Palin as Nietzsche, Graham Chapman as Hegel, John Cleese as Archimedes, Terry Jones as Marx, Terry Gilliam as Kant and Eric Idle as Socrates? I really love this sketch but it took me a few views to actually start paying attention over who’s playing who. I’ve always noticed Michael from the start but Eric in particular was a bit hard to recognize! I do wonder who are the other actors, though.

Beckenbauer was indeed a bit of a surprise, being the only footballer! Surprised he didn’t think of scoring himself … Beckenbauer was a dissapointment in that game. Clearly he was still injured.

Max Stirner is sp00king everyone and claiming that reality is a spook.

and Leibniz didn’t have a chance

Beckenbauer was a dissapointment in that game. Clearly he was still injured.

The Germans are disputing it. Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a-priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics. Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination….. And Marx is claiming it was offside!” It really is offside too. Guess Marxist common sense wins this round.

Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination. And Wittgestein goes for the quantum jump …

Martin Luther as coach? Well, of course the Germans would be Protesting the call then.

Nietzsche didn’t argue for the absolute non-existance of free will. – Beyond Good and Evil, section 19. Also, On the Geneology of Morals, the second essay presupposes that there is no free will. If by free will we mean the autonomy of reason, then there is absolutely no free will on Nietzsche’s account. At best, he can be considered a compatibilist, but then again, compatibilistic free.

Renè in the semi finals was great, but he didn’t think, therefore he was not actually in the field.

The American team was pretty significant and did make it to the quarter finals but most of the team were charged with use of illicit substances such as psychedelics and marijuana so they were supressed by the government. Also unfortunately, Emma Goldman did not make it to the mens team, despite years of advocacy.

David Icke refuted this statement as he prolaimed “reality is only a dream” in which Bill Hicks responded “No its just a ride”, and they both agreed upon that the doping scandal was a conspiracy, but didnt agree on if it was caused by reptilians or the government. Huey Newton and Malcolm X both agreed that it was in fact

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English Team: 1. Hobbes 2. Locke 3. Russell 4. Bentham 5. Mill 6. Bacon 7. Hume 8. Moore 9. Popper 10. Ayer 11. Ockham

Hume is technically Scottish.

And Russell is Welsh

Replace Hume with Anselm.

“Famous midfield trio of Bentham, Locke, and Hobbes” so they’d go 6/7/8, presumably

French team : 1. Rousseau 2. Sartre 3. Voltaire 4. Descartes 5. Diderot 6. Montesquieu 7. Pascal 8. Montaigne 9. Bergson 10. D’Alembert 11. Foucault

You need roland Barthes as the french team coach: ‘The bastard form of mass culture is humiliated repetition… always new books, new programs, new films, news items, but always the same meaning’

No, Camus would be a perfect Box-to-box player, just endless, meaningless running.

Box to box, goal to goal, meaning to meaning: non-meaning to non-meaning, goalless draw to goalless draw, one end to the other.

Epicurus was unable to attend due to unforeseen circumstances.

“Nietzsche booked for not having free will” He was booked for arguing against the referee. Nietzsche was the one who claimed Confucius had no free will.

He was booked for arguing against the referee. Nietzsche was the one who claimed Confucius had no free will.

The Germans are disputing it! Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a prioriadjunct of non-naturalistic ethics. Kant, via the categorical imperative, is holding that ontologic exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming that it was offside.”

Classical left fielder, Marx

I actually preferred the France vs. England game over this one. Jean Jacques-Rossuea was very good in that one since he managed to defend against England’s John Locke since Locke’s goal, that the government should be constitutional and not have a social contract with its people, was weak. Rossuea defended against Locke by stating that the social contract was not flawed. There was also a nice assist by Voltaire who argued that a government should not be feudal. The game was 0-0 in the end because James Russel stated that all goals are futile and there is no point in aiming for something since the pay-off is not worth it. What a game!

I would swap out Machiavelli for Marcus Aurelius, his Stoic Philosophy is a good defense against the Greek cynic philosophy, although it is weak compared to Plato’s The Republic offensive maneuver. Machiavelli is in no way a bad player, but his treatise “The Prince” is a pretty weak defense against Hobbes with “Leviathan”. The Italians have a pretty good team, but they need to pick and choose the proper maneuvers or else they’ll face an existential crisis that will cripple their whole defense.

“Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-analytic ethics.’

Kant, by the categorial imperative, is holding that all the logic all persists only in the imagination, and Marx is still claiming it was offsides

Did he say “adjunct of non naturalistic ethics” or “adjunct of non athletic ethics” ???

Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics. Kant, via the categorical imperative, is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside.

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The page also contains a transcript:

From Monty Python’s Live at the Hollywood Bowl:

Football Commentator (Michael): Good afternoon, and welcome to a packed Olympic stadium, Muenchen, {caption “INTERNATIONALE PHILOSOPHIE – Rueckspiel” (International Philospohy – Return match)} for the second leg of this exciting final. {German philosophers jog out of the dressing room.} And here come the Germans now, led by their skipper, “Nobby” Hegel. They must surely start favourites this afternoon; they’ve certainly attracted the most attention from the press with their team problems. And let’s now see their line-up. {Caption “DEUTSCHLAND” (Germany)

• 1 LEIBNITZ
• 2 I. KANT
• 3 HEGEL
• 4 SCHOPENHAUER
• 5 SCHELLING
• 6 BECKENBAUER
• 7 JASPERS
• 8 SCHLEGEL
• 9 WITTGENSTEIN
• 10 NIETZSCHE
• 11 HEIDEGGER”}

{High shot of Germans jogging onto pitch.} The Germans playing 4-2-4, Leibnitz in goal, back four Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer and Schelling, front-runners Schlegel, Wittgenstein, Nietzsche and Heidegger, and the mid-field duo of Beckenbauer and Jaspers. Beckenbauer obviously a bit of a surprise there. {Greek philosophers, all in togas, jog from the dressing room.} And here come the Greeks, led out by their veteran centre-half, Heraclitus. {Caption “GRIECHENLAND” (Greece)

• 1 PLATO
• 2 EPIKTET
• 3 ARISTOTELES
• 4 SOPHOKLES
• 5 EMPEDOKLES VON ACRAGA
• 6 PLOTIN
• 7 EPIKUR
• 8 HERAKLIT
• 9 DEMOKRIT
• 10 SOKRATES
• 11 ARCHIMEDES}

{High shot of Greeks jogging onto pitch, kicking balls about etc.} Let’s look at their team. As you’d expect, it’s a much more defensive line-up. Plato’s in goal, Socrates a front- runner there, and Aristotle as sweeper, Aristotle very much the man in form. One surprise is the inclusion of Archimedes. {A referee, holding a large sandglass, walks down the centre line, flanked by two linesmen with haloes.} Well here comes the referee, Kung Fu Tsu Confucius, and his two linesmen, St Augustine and St Thomas Aquinas. {Referee spots the ball and the captains shake hands.} And as the two skippers come together to shake hands, we’re ready for the start of this very exciting final. The referee Mr Confucius checks his sand and… {referee blows his whistle]} they’re off! {The Germans immediately turn away from the ball, hands on chins in deep contemplation.} Nietzsche and Hegel there. Karl Jaspers number seven on the outside, Wittgenstein there with him. There’s Beckenbauer. Schelling’s in there, Heidegger covering. Schopenhauer. {Pan to the other end, the Greeks also thinking deeply, occasionally gesticulating.} And now it’s the Greeks, Epicurus, Plotinus number six. Aristotle. Empedocles of Acragus and Democratus with him. There’s Archimedes. Socrates, there he is, Socrates. Socrates there, going through. {The camera follows Socrates past the ball, still on the centre spot.} There’s the ball! There’s the ball. And Nietzsche there. Nietzsche, number ten in this German side. {Caption “DEUTSCHLAND – GRIECHENLAND 0 : 0”} Kant moving up on the outside. Schlegel’s on the left, the Germans moving very well in these opening moments.

Well right now we’re going back to the Olympic stadium for the closing minutes of the Philosophy Final, and I understand that there’s still no score. {On the pitch, a German is remonstrating with the referee.}

Football Commentator: Well there may be no score, but there’s certainly no lack of excitement here. As you can see, Nietzsche has just been booked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius of having no free will, and Confucius says, “Name go in book”.

And this is Nietzsche’s third booking in four games. {We see a bearded figure in a track-suit is warming up on the touch-line.}

And who’s that? It’s Karl Marx, Karl Marx is warming up. It looks as though there’s going to be a substitution in the German side. {Marx removes the track-suit, under which he is wearing a suit.}

Obviously the manager Martin Luther has decided on all- out attack, as indeed he must with only two minutes of the match to go.

And the big question is, who is he going to replace, who’s going to come off. It could be Jaspers, Hegel or Schopenhauer, but it’s Wittgenstein! Wittgenstein, who saw his aunty only last week, and here’s Marx. {Marx begins some energetic knees-up running about.} Let’s see it he can put some life into this German attack. {The referee blows his whistle; Marx stops and begins contemplating like the rest.} Evidently not. What a shame. Well now, with just over a minute left, a replay on Tuesday looks absolutely vital.

There’s Archimedes, and I think he’s had an idea. Archimedes (John): Eureka! {He runs towards the ball and kicks it.}

Football Commentator: Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to Archimedes, Archimedes out to Heraclitus, he beats Hegel {who, like all the Germans, is still thinking}. Heraclitus a little flick, here he comes on the far post, Socrates is there, Socrates heads it in! Socrates has scored! The Greeks are going mad, the Greeks are going mad! Socrates scores, got a beautiful cross from Archimedes. The Germans are disputing it.

Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside.

But Confucius has answered them with the final whistle! It’s all over! Germany, having trounced England’s famous midfield trio of Bentham, Locke and Hobbes in the semi-final, have been beaten by the odd goal, and let’s see it again. {Replay viewed from behind the goal.} There it is, Socrates, Socrates heads in and Leibnitz doesn’t have a chance. And just look at those delighted Greeks. {The Greeks jog delightedly, holding a cup aloft.} There they are, “Chopper” Sophocles, Empedocles of Acragus, what a game he had. And Epicurus is there, and Socrates the captain who scored what was probably the most important goal of his career.