LONELINESS

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2011/oct/09/joyce-vincent-death-mystery-documentary

She said “The water has no memory.” 
For a few months everything about our lives was perfect. 
It was only us, we were inseparable. 
But gradually, she passed into another distant part of my memory, 
until I could no longer remember her face, her voice, even her name.

We have got
We have got the perfect life..

I carry the weight of the world by myself alone without help, engaged in a world for which I bear the whole responsibility without being able, whatever I do, to tear myself away from this responsibility for an instant.

• Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness

Words are the magic weapon in this lonely existence.

My definition of loneliness is the longing for human connection, but not being able to connect. Solitude is being by yourself, not lonely, just alone.

We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”

― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967

“Solitude is the GIFT.” –Bukowski

We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.

Top of Form

We are all alone, it’s a natural condition. Loneliness is not accepting that condition. Loneliness is not my friend, it’s my fucking only friend.

It is true i’m often alone; i prefer being alone than badly accompanied – But i have friends with all kind of strange beliefs and we get along, we debate; i’m an existential nihilist but that doesn’t make me a pessimist at all; it frees me, it makes me see the world for what it is; to focus on the negative is just a choice, maybe due to other factors like chemical imbalance or psychological scarring that have not healed.

It is true that i actively avoid group gathering when i know the people involved are all delusional and their conversation will tend to go toward those delusions; simply because attending such things will take a lot of energy out of me… without any benefits; i won’t convince anyone of their delusions…

But i do have friends that know me for what i really believe and accept me as such; i think everyone should try to be more open and find friends because we are a social species and it is too hard to be alone against the coldness of space; you can only feed your paranoia and depression by being 100% alone. No one to touch you, no one to love, no one with whom to share your views… You will develop negative feelings that way.

You have a beautiful mind and it would be a waste not to share it one day. I wish to remind you that neuronal pathways are not set in stone; we can change; we can evolve from any current state. You should work on the root of your neediness & need for unconditional love because it is an insurmountable barrier that you have created, as these “deep feelings” that allow such a state come much later in a relationship.

Furthermore, everyone changes, and nothing should be blind following; for true love, you have to fight every day in a relationship; don’t let your parents abandonment or whatever else triggered this state of mind rule what you should seek from others; rather try to find a way out of this nefarious state of mind 🙂 You too will love someone and one day might not love them anymore, because we all grow and change. I believe that once you grow out of this idea that comforts you, you’ll be able to find someone and be happy with her

God, but life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel gaiety of “parties” with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter – they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship – but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering.

~Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath~

We are gene-copying bio-robots, living out here on a lonely planet in a cold and empty physical universe.

~Thomas Ligotti, The Conspiracy Against the Human Race

“One cliché attached to bookish people is that they are lonely, but for me books were my way out of being lonely. If you are the type of person who thinks too much about stuff then there is nothing lonelier in the world than being surrounded by a load of people on a different wavelength.” 
― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive

We are gene-copying bio-robots, living out here on a lonely planet in a cold and empty physical universe. We have brains but no immortal souls and after seventy years or so the curtain drops. There will never be an afterlife, or any kind of reward or punishment for anyone… I get the message.

~ Thomas Metzinger, artwork:Trash Riot~

Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?

~Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart, artist Misha Gordin

 i become a horrible, mean person to anyone i get into a relationship with after a few months, so i just stopped getting into them. so yeah, likely to die alone 

lonely people tend, rather, to be lonely because they decline to bear the psychic costs of being around other humans, they are allergic to people, people affect them too strongly, relationships take up energy, letting go of them, psychiatrists theorize, entails mental work, when you lose someone you were close to, you have to reassess your picture of the world and your place in it, the more your identity was wrapped up with the deceased, the more difficult the loss

 I don’t understand the optimism; it’s a deliberate take on something that doesn’t need to be seen differently. The mind focuses on the good to retain our sanity, so it’s easy, but rarely filled with any clarity. If you’ve ever had a history with drugs, you’ll find the feeling of happiness is incredibly distracting to normal thinking. Then you realize it’s all normal thinking and that normal thinking is literally a puppet lifestyles of mental emotional influences that encourage us to do as our ancestors did and unfortunately coded into us.

“I’ve never been lonely. I’ve been in a room — I’ve felt suicidal. I’ve been depressed. I’ve felt awful — awful beyond all — but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me…or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I’ve never been bothered with because I’ve always had this terrible itch for solitude. It’s being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness.

I’ll quote Ibsen, “The strongest men are the most alone.” I’ve never thought, “Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I’ll feel good.” No, that won’t help. You know the typical crowd, “Wow, it’s Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?” Well, yeah. Because there’s nothing out there. It’s stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I’ve never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn’t want to hide in factories. That’s all. Sorry for all the millions, but I’ve never been lonely. I like myself. I’m the best form of entertainment I have. Let’s drink more wine!”~Charles Bukowski

“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?” ~ Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart

might be alone? It’s subjective, we are all alone together, surreal isolationism in our brain-cage, or maybe drivers of a single seated car we call our body, we can interact with other cars but never really share the same vehicle no matter how much we synchronise with the traffic.

Usually that feeling of being alone in the world is accompanied by a condescending sense of superiority. I scorn all humankind; people around me seem vile, sordid, stupid, greedy, gross. I do not fear solitude; it is almost Olympian.

~Ernesto Sabato, The Tunnel, art by Trash Riot

I call it the collective community conversational orgasm, in which our shared perspectives in similarity promote a sense of delight, because it reassures ourselves that even if we are lonely, we have connected on some level. Its to me a very superficial thing. Its like when girls giggle over liking the same hairstyle, brand of shoes or music. . Its also funny how groups of people agree on something together then continue to mention other subjects until the group fragments. Its humorous to see the buildup to watch.

“I am alone in the midst of these happy, reasonable voices. All these creatures spend their time explaining, realizing happily that they agree with each other. In Heaven’s name, why is it so important to think the same things all together?”

~ Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea, La Nausée by artist Björn Griesbach ~

Here I was sitting alone and thinking..until a wave of melancholy hit me and swept away those thin veils I hid all my torments and memories behind. Everything I do bores me and makes me sick to death, even eating and sleeping have become acts I wish I never had to do.What I am now is merely a soul unwilling to live and a body aiming to survive.What I do; I pretend to like or do gladly while in fact nothing in this life appeases me anymore.The inability to cry, to scream or even somehow rid myself of life and die is a strenuous handicap to the mind; A thought constantly surfacing in the back of my head no matter where I go, no matter what I do.I am alone in my head and my world is empty, I have killed all my demons all my shadows and I have dimmed all sources of light and I am left with nothing but an empty deserted landscape. Everyone I know is dead inside me and everything I ever knew is gone and I am waiting the moment I too depart and become nothing, that is all I am left with.Life is a prison I always failed to escape, the brief glimpses of beauty my eyes behold turn into despair once they reach my mind and touch the surface of my forlorn soul. An invisible, incurable disease spreading through the air and into my veins with each passing moment with each breath that i inhale; I suffocate. It cannot be cured, it cannot be written away or painted out, it cannot be calmed with music or love, it cannot be eased with tears or worship. It can only end and its end lies with that of the mind, body and the soul. It is worse than death itself for death is mercy to the soul and relief to the body and freedom to the mind. When death becomes mercy, is there anything worse than life to withstand ?

Here I was sitting alone and thinking..until a wave of melancholy hit me and swept away those thin veils I hid all my torments and memories behind. Everything I do bores me and makes me sick to death, even eating and sleeping have become acts I wish I never had to do.What I am now is merely a soul unwilling to live and a body aiming to survive.What I do; I pretend to like or do gladly while in fact nothing in this life appeases me anymore.The inability to cry, to scream or even somehow rid myself of life and die is a strenuous handicap to the mind; A thought constantly surfacing in the back of my head no matter where I go, no matter what I do.I am alone in my head and my world is empty, I have killed all my demons all my shadows and I have dimmed all sources of light and I am left with nothing but an empty deserted landscape. Everyone I know is dead inside me and everything I ever knew is gone and I am waiting the moment I too depart and become nothing, that is all I am left with.Life is a prison I always failed to escape, the brief glimpses of beauty my eyes behold turn into despair once they reach my mind and touch the surface of my forlorn soul. An invisible, incurable disease spreading through the air and into my veins with each passing moment with each breath that i inhale; I suffocate. It cannot be cured, it cannot be written away or painted out, it cannot be calmed with music or love, it cannot be eased with tears or worship. It can only end and its end lies with that of the mind, body and the soul. It is worse than death itself for death is mercy to the soul and relief to the body and freedom to the mind. When death becomes mercy, is there anything worse than life to withstand ?

In loneliness, the lonely one eats himself; in a crowd, the many eat him. Now choose.

~~~~~~~~ Friedrich Nietzsche~~~~~~~~

How could this beautiful, vibrant, 38 year old woman, lie dead and undiscovered for three years?

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and-in spite of True Romance magazines-we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely-at least, not all the time-but essentially, and finally, alone.”

~Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967~

No one went over, they smell of decay was covered by the open window and the garbage pile outside, the TV ran because the metro council paid out the electricity and cable for 18 months …after that it was running on notice for 12 months before they decided to pay a visit. The neighbours thought the TV running meant someone was inside. And since these were projects people expected to not see each other and live at nights and do drugs and lie in for days. She had no cell and simply put only undeveloped friendships.

In England, they have an almost fatal respect for privacy. “Die and let die” is their motto. People are too hung up on their cultural identities and traditions. As if that shit is more important than a clean environment or stable society

There is no dignity in death anyway – and given the documentary raises awareness to the ills of urban alienation as it does, I’d say it’s money well spent. The person in question probably didn’t share your misanthropic views to begin with, so trying to claim her passing as relevant to only your perspective is as arrogant as it is pathetic.

 She was in a shelter for victims of domestic abuse, it seems. Utilities and part of the rent were paid & the arrears on her rent were lost in paperwork for a couple of years. When they entered her place to kick her out or collect the arrears, they found her… She was lying down apparently & not still watching television. If she had been it would have made for a good “Netflix and chill” meme.

Must be watching GoT on repeat

No one went over, they smell of decay was covered by the open window and the garbage pile outside, the TV ran because the metro council paid out the electricity and cable for 18 months …after that it was running on notice for 12 months before they decided to pay a visit. The neighbours thought the TV running meant someone was inside. And since these were projects people expected to not see each other and live at nights and do drugs and lie in for days. She had no cell and simply put only undeveloped friendships.

How could this beautiful, vibrant, 38 year old woman, lie dead and undiscovered for three years?

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and-in spite of True Romance magazines-we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely-at least, not all the time-but essentially, and finally, alone.”

~Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967~

“But then there’s loneliness. However you might philosophise about it, loneliness is a terrible thing, my dear fellow… Although in reality, of course, it’s absolutely of no importance!” 
― Anton Chekhov, The Three Sisters

Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.

~~Voltaire~~

“Until then I had always thought of loneliness as something negative—an absence of company, and, of course, something temporary… That day I had learned that it was much more. It was something which could press and oppress, could distort the ordinary and play tricks with the mind. Something which lurked inimically all around, stretching the nerves and twanging them with alarms, never letting one forget that there was no one to help, no one to care. It showed one as an atom adrift in vastness, and it waited all the time its chance to frighten and frighten horribly—that was what loneliness was really trying to do; and that was what one must never let it do…” – ” The Day of the Triffids.”- John Wyndham

Art- Conscience- Judas by Nikolai Ge

I used to have all kinds of difficulty understanding people and my inability to connect to them bothered me. Then I read all kinds of things about psychology and got good at understanding people and got good at dealing with people, and discovered I hadn’t been missing anything. There wasn’t some deeper thing I was missing, people were for the most part just shallow, unreflective wind up toys.

Kierkegaard on boredom

Adam was bored because he was alone; therefore Eve was created. Since that moment, boredom entered the world and grew in quantity in exact proportion to the growth of population. Adam was bored alone; then Adam and Eve were bored together; then Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel were bored en famille. After that, the population of the world increased and the nations were bored en masse.

~ Artist Peter Kline

“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.”

– Orson Welles

The weight of the world is love.
Under the burden of solitude,
under the burden of dissatisfaction
the weight,the weight we carry is love. ”

― Allen Ginsberg

Towers Open Fire (Cut-Up Film) – William S. Burroughs, Antony Balch

“We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies—all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes.”

— Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception

“Let me tell you this if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them”

“I felt myself in a solitude so frightful that I contemplated suicide. What held me back was the idea that no one, absolutely no one, would be moved by my death, that I would be even more alone in death than in life.”

― Jean-Paul Sartre, La náusea

Nothing is inevitable

 He who understands humanity seeks solitude.

 

No one wishes to be alone in solitude.
-Anonymous

 

“That is why I go into solitude, so as not to drink out of everybody’s cistern. When I am among the many I live as the many do, and I do not think as I really do; after a time it always seems as though they want to banish me from myself and rob me of my soul.”

– Friedrich Nietzsche –

 

When our thoughts flow in solitude, there are no external interjections, which, no matter how well-intentioned, always bring our silent inner work to a sudden halt.

Some species are perfect killing machines as a solitary beast, like a shark, so less powerful animals only have one real option, to work with others in their species to survive. We evolved social yearnings by nature, in a world hunted by whatever is in the dark, and not much has changed except the reasons why people pull together.

We are all sentenced to solitary confinement inside our own skins, for life. 

~Tennessee Williams

“What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: “This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more’…Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: ‘You are a God and never have I heard anything more divine.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science: With a Prelude in Rhymes and an Appendix of Songs

“Since time began
the dead alone know peace
Life is but melting snow.”

– Nandai, Death Poem

“Life goes on. Hopes rise and dreams flicker and die. Love plans for tomorrow and loneliness thinks of yesterday. Life is beautiful and living is pain.”

~ Hunter S. Thompson

“I feel unspeakably lonely. And I feel – drained. It is a blank state of soul and mind I cannot describe to you as I think it would not make any difference. Also it is a very private feeling I have – that of melting into a perpetual nervous breakdown. I am often questioning myself what I further want to do, who I further wish to be; which parts of me, exactly, are still functioning properly. No answers, darling. At all.” ~ Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait in Letters

~ Self portrait, by Anne Sexton ~

“To live alone is the fate of all great souls.”
-Arthur Schopenhauer

Most people are too dumb to realize the divine nature of solitude. They would rather prefer to be surrounded by assholes than to be alone. See that’s what wrong with humanity; it’s fucking gregarious longings. People will do anything to get together like fucking cockroaches inside their bubble of happiness. Happiness is yet another wrong thing with humanity. Happiness is just another overrated bullshit, like almost everything else. It’s just your brains shitting fucking dopamine inside your skull. You fly for five seconds above some pinky clouds then you eventually return to planet misery. And the higher you get, the lower you hit. Be peaceful if you are going to be anything, no high, and no low, just standard.

Mr. Lonely (2007) Werner Herzog speech

“We here, in the broken nation, are tired and bruised. We’ve been left here alone with nothing. We’ve been abandoned. We’re like vomit in the street outside of a seedy bar. We’ve been relegated to the bottom of the barrel, and all our senses of understanding and love seem gone forever. In order to survive here we have to become like animals and we have to forego all sense of civility and understanding. How is it possible that a nun can fly? How is it possible that she falls out of a plane and lands unscathed? But who are we? Who are we to scoff at such things? Who are we to doubt such miracles? Alas, we we are but tramps in the gutter here in the broken nation. But a little faith can take us a long, long way. If you’re pure enough, if you believe enough…sisters believe me, you will fly. God will be your parachute. You will experience the miracle I have felt.”

“Isn’t it funny, I’m enjoying my hatred so much more than I ever enjoyed love. Love is temperamental. Tiring. It makes demands. Love uses you, changes its mind. But hatred, now, that’s something you can use. Sculpt. Weild. It’s hard or soft, however you need it. Love humilates you, but hatred cradles you.” ~ Janet Fitch, White Oleander

 People will only care about you as long as you keep trying to uphold their approval. You need to do something to earn the respect of other people, and if you don’t earn the respect of other people, then you are nothing to them. Respect and adoration are a commodity to be bought and sold, either with effort or because some insipid fuckers are born with admirable qualities. People are tribal creatures, and if they feel that you are a part of your group, they will stick up for you insofar as they feel it is in their best interest. If you are not a part of the tribe of another human being, then you are nothing. You are a slave to your fellow man.

Try to deny that it’s true, when the stanford prison experiment shows what happens to people who are given unchecked power and control over their peers. People turn on each other, people torture each other, people have been going to war with each other since the dawn of man. Human beings are a naturally adversarial creature, our way of interacting is no different than the darwinian process of natural selection. The darwinian process of natural selection is just an inescapable law. In their own way people are slaves to this law, because in the end all human beings are inherently selfish.

The way to get hurt the most in this world, is to hope or even expect that other people might care about you or give a shit about you. The only people who it seems to me you can expect that from are your family. You cannot expect anyone to give a shit about you, because there is always a chance that people will discard you, like you are nothing, like you’re worthless. Human beings are scum, they’re selfish. Perhaps, paradoxically, it’s selfish to wish that everyone would just like and respect you. Perhaps it’s selfish to think that you don’t have to give your love and adoration to everyone around you. Either one seems like it would work as well, it’s arbitrary, absurd either way.

Fuck human beings, nothing more than hives of unthinking cells which just are. It is simply the process of nature, nothing more. It is a cruel, and unfair world.

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”

“Yearning is directed upwards and is a mark of man’s higher nature. Man has to submit to abandonment, loneliness and the strangeness of the world. There is nothing that causes more acute suffering than the experience of this strangeness of everything. As it moves along the path of its development personality goes through this experience. There is something of the transcendent in yearning, and that in a twofold sense. Personality passes through the tests of experience as a transcendent thing and as strange to the world; and it has experience of the gulf which separates it from the higher world, from that other world which out to be its own home. Keen yearning is possible in the very happiest moments of life. There is deeply inherent in man a yearning for the divine life, for purity, for paradise, and no happiest moment of this life answers to that yearning. The existence of personality cannot but be accompanied by yearning, because yearning denotes a break with the world setting into which as man is born and the impossibility of adaptation to it.”
– Nikolai Berdyaev, Slavery and Freedom

“What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: “This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more’…Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: ‘You are a God and never have I heard anything more divine.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science: With a Prelude in Rhymes and an Appendix of Songs

“Without loneliness I should be more lonely, so I keep it.”
— Marianne Moore

WHY WE ALL SHOULD SUFFER.

Thoughts on my argument that we should choose to suffer?

. . .

We are currently living in the most peaceful era of human history. 
. . .
Innate to life is loneliness and suffering. 
Man can romanticize his suffering, yet this is irrelevant. 
. . . 
We don’t pay for things with money, but with time from our lives. 
We work our lives away in fear of homelessness and hunger, in perpetual mental deprivation as the lifestyles of the upper classes which we will never has is advertised to us daily. There’s all this magnificent technology and resources in the world, enough for all, however; there’s our system of invisible violence, inequality, bosses and workers, masters and slaves, profit and property over life. 
In fact, there’s barely any war casualty deaths in the world in our time as compared to history, yet miniscule acts of terrorism as compared to the whole population of humanity is used by big governments to strip away our rights at every chance (crisis) they get. 
Our lives now can be long, in the monotonous work to home routine. The majority of our jobs seem extravagantly meaningless, like our very lives. Most of which can be replaced by automation.
. . . 
Life is short, compared to the eternity of death. Yet, 
Our intelligent consciousness is the longest lasting in the known universe. 
If death is nothingness, as it were before your existence, it is peace. 
. . . 
Therefore, whether man romanticizes his suffering in his life or does not (if his suffering is good or bad, he’s a signed great meaning to it or not), man must and SHOULD suffer, based on the premise that death is peace.
. . . 
This is our only time to suffer. We will have forever to rest. This is our only time for horrible and undesirable battle, to overcome near impossible challenges, to embrace all that is wild as our ancestors for thousands of years before us. (I long for my ancestors which Western society places no value on).
. . . 
Every time life is awful, I just remind myself that I should suffer, I’ll have forever not too, after this transcendental dream, this poetic barrage of tragedy and beauty, of life, is over. 
Every day the heart of anguish longs for peace, to see my fellow kind live better. Still even if we destroy the current system and build a Utopia, the absurdity and suffering will always be inescapable, as is the only thing we can be assured of.
As the work to home life consumes survival, how many years before the monotony devours any wild passion, until my natural fury of rebellion hungers for meaningless glory in the face of gorgeous indifferent stars? 
. . . 
The rebel’s heart longs to not be human. No better, no worse. 
May anything kill me but boredom!

 think we are all the ”alienated gorilla” to a degree. So some of us may spend more time than the average person just sitting, doing nothing. We’re still vastly busier than actual gorillas. Still engaging in activities (or planning thereof) the majority of the time (sleep aside). Let’s just conveniently insist that *our* activities are certainly not novelties. That way we can actually delude ourselves into believing that we’re above all that – like there is anything intrinsically wrong with it at all, like we should absolutely try to not be like that. Note that I am not dismissing any actual opinions.. (I personally dislike being or spending time with the very busy myself) just dismissing the idea that something is intrinsically bad, wrong, or undesirable about being the way I am. I used to, in a sense, worship the idea that something was intrinsically wrong – with me, with the world, with the way things are. All I can say is I feel much less insecure and anxious, and much more content with life since I stopped believing in such nonsense.

We are drowning in hysterical infomation today. I guess some days I rather be worried about a bear or lion trying to bite my ass then waking up to a notification on my phone that my bank was hacked or I lost my job or idiots rule my country etc.

“On this path of awakening you can sometimes feel more alone than ever. But this is not an aloneness that belongs to a separate self. It is not loneliness, not isolation, not a sense of cosmic abandonment. It is the aloneness of an entire universe, an exquisite and intimate aloneness that resides at the burning core of existence itself. An ontological aloneness that is perfect solitude, that is the caress of the autumn breeze on your face, the sound of a little robin announcing the arrival of the morning, a walk down unknown paths to destinations unknown. Nobody and nothing has the power to remove your aloneness, that’s true. You sink deeper and deeper into this magical place of solitude, touching life for the first and only time, naked and without protection, no defenses any more. Nobody to save you, nobody who needs to be saved anyway. Past and future are a billion miles away, and you wonder if anything ever existed at all prior to This. You have found your true home, at your centerless center.” ~ Jeff Foster

“Loneliness is the fate of all outstanding minds”
— Arthur Schopenhauer

I have happy tears. I am a lonely paradox. I am an internal war of pessimism and optimism. I am a suicidal toddler. I am a sleepless daydreamer. I wish that I lived in another part of the universe and had another body with different senses. I wish that I never knew Earth or human beings. I am eternal anxiety. I am of the generation with no future. I have been unwillingly a nihilist by night and a utopian by day. I have been trained to adapt to an insane society plagued by the violence of exploitative private property my entire life; I do not want to be insane. I am unable to convince myself of comforting lies. There is no career I care to do forty hours a week plus for fifty years. I am forever dying of boredom. I am disconnected from nature. I feel the Earth dying. I envision the last breath of a species gone extinct because of humans. I smile at the tears of an innocent newborn. I used to be sad— I am angry. I don’t want to love. I love so damn much. I want my death to have meaning. I want to dance in the fire and not feel pain. I want to be remembered for an unknown name. I never stop moving. I am tired. I want to be drunk and high forever. I want to want to be sober. I want to make everyone happy and cease the suffering. I want to be left alone. I want lifetimes with one person— with all of you. I do not want heaven or hell, or reincarnation; I want nothing. . . or everything for all. . . I am in pain and in my struggle is a twisted justification for happiness. I am a strange, many-sided man. I want to be relevant in an irrelevant world. I want to have some fun. I’ve gazed into the abyss, and it winked then look away! waiting for another day.

What a distinguished relationship so unique and harmonious between me and my eternal lover cigarette, she burns for me and i die for her slowly, i inhale her elements slowly and deeply untill they get melted with mines, my unique strong bond, on her presence we escape together the world to another one only in which i’m a brave knight and she’s a tender mistress and we speak in our solitude the harsh words of our bleeding thoughts, a lethally love, as any other form of it, it all leads to peaceful death…

“On this path of awakening you can sometimes feel more alone than ever. But this is not an aloneness that belongs to a separate self. It is not loneliness, not isolation, not a sense of cosmic abandonment. It is the aloneness of an entire universe, an exquisite and intimate aloneness that resides at the burning core of existence itself. An ontological aloneness that is perfect solitude, that is the caress of the autumn breeze on your face, the sound of a little robin announcing the arrival of the morning, a walk down unknown paths to destinations unknown. Nobody and nothing has the power to remove your aloneness, that’s true. You sink deeper and deeper into this magical place of solitude, touching life for the first and only time, naked and without protection, no defenses any more. Nobody to save you, nobody who needs to be saved anyway. Past and future are a billion miles away, and you wonder if anything ever existed at all prior to This. You have found your true home, at your centerless center.” ~ Jeff Foster

I talk more to those people who think communication is perennially impossible. I build relationship with people who think we are existentially lonely and relationships are distractions.

Solitude, sometimes is the best society.

Why does love exist if we only strive for solitude and knowledge, what’s the point in loving if we know that it will fade away and will bring suffer, we all know that suffering leads to solitude… 
So why does the feeling of love needs to blend with our personality with our health and daily lives… 
What does love wants ? need ? bring ?

“I long for solitude and yet I cannot stand it.” 
― Eugène Ionesco

If you are bored with your life, the problem is not what you think the human condition is. The problem is you have not tried to break away not from your physical existence,m but that you have not exited what you erroneously perceive as the limitations of physical existence. i could understand it if you were being kept in solitary confinement,with no chance of escape, but then that would not be you, would it?

Cioran’s perspective on suicide resonates with me:

“It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late.”

“Only optimists commit suicide, optimists who no longer succeed at being optimists. The others, having no reason to live, why would they have any to die?”

 

I think of the absurd to deter me from suicide cos sometimes absurdity just calls for more absurdity. Like how its too easy to hate and be selfish and fall and fit into some oblivion than to love and accept the imperfect human life as it is, though id cheer some bleach to that. And i understand there are harsher realities to life to which absurd optimism just doesnt apply but why the fuck not eh? To love the world pessimistically seems like a edgy “good guy” thing to do. Some days my deeds give meaning to my pointless self

Philosophically? Nothing. It’s a far more mundane reason. I just lack pills or drugs to overdose on. I would want something that would just make me drowsy, fall asleep and die peacefully in my sleep. I have no desire for pain, so hanging, shooting, slitting wrists, jumping from the roof etc. is not something I would care to do.

Of course feelings are a crucial part of life. They ARE what makes us feel alive. However, I think he’s saying there’s no need to give emotions meaning. For example, if we got our heart broken and someone left us, there’s no need to tell ourselves that we feel this pain because we’re “unworthy of love, not good enough” or come up with a deadening conclusion such as “all people are the same, they leave you broken, so I shouldn’t show my true self to anyone”. The same goes for happy emotions. If we feel good there’s no need to attribute it to coffee or some other people. No need to be attached to anything in order to feel a certain way. It suggests a sort of freedom from outside influences on yourself and and gives you the power to feel how you feel regardless of the situation youre in. So basically we live instead of thinking about living.

Who cares if there is or isn’t a point. We don’t need a point to live. When we were kids life didn’t have meaning, we were just enjoying ourselves from day to day. Later on we grew up and society’s concepts of “achieve something”, “find yourself”, “get good grades and you’ll get into a good college” rubbed off on us forcing us to exhume meaning from everything. Forcing us to believe we live FOR something or for someone. Forcing us to believe our achievements have lasting value. And when we start thinking about it and realize that life isn’t as deep and important as we thought it was, our entire life, all of our previous goals and sacrifices also stop making sense. But life doesn’t have inherint meaning and that was never a bad thing. We made it a bad thing and now we’re suffering because of it. But there’s no point in taking it, or ourselves so seriously. We’re just people, this is just life. No one cares and that’s a beautiful thing.

I see. And no you didn’t come across as hateful at all, actually quite the opposite. I only asked the last question in order to see if you’re a hypocrite or not. And I’m still a little confused as to how you can care so deeply for things and then destroy the whole universe if you were given the chance. Along with suffering, you’d kill off happiness that many others living here exhibit, you would destroy all these lives. And given how you reacted to seeing a dead fox, tells me you either value life, or despise death I’m not sure about which it is but destroying the world points to the second one. Could you further explain your view?

As for, not being able to see how some people can find life beautiful, let me try to clarify with my own experience. Not in any way saying, it is the right way to view life its just one possibility that might clear some things up. You demonize pain the same way some people demonize guns, meanwhile, both are just a tool. Pain is a tool that we use to become “better” people. But that only applies to psychological pain. Not the abstract one that other societies are facing. I can’t talk about that one because I’ve never experienced war, cancer or anything else like that. But from what I have experienced: extreme self denial, depression, surgeries… I get that pain is no fun while you’re amongst it. You see no way out and you want to end it for everyone because that might seem like the best thing to do. But once I got out of the hospital, got over major heartbreaks, and deaths I realized that those have made me into who I am now. Into someone free.
Once I woke up and hit myself against something and for some reason I didn’t say ouch and I didn’t cry. I was just standing there, fascinated by the feeling. Because I didn’t name it as “pain” or “hurt”. It was only a tingling sensation of blood rushing to a part of my body. When I had this revalation I kind of understood that all pain is psychological. When we were smaller and we would cry our parents told us not to cry and so pain became a bad thing to feel. When someone would die we didn’t inherently cry or mourn, no, we saw our parents dissapointed faces and we copied that response. Meanwhile, in other parts of the world death is a celebration. People wear white and sing songs. Pain and suffering , just like everything else in this world can be interpreted. But by itself it is powerless just like a gun that lays on the table. Unless we give it meaning, unless we interpret it as horrible. But bad or good, duality, is just a pattern of this world. It isn’t real. But the play between the dualities, brings the illusion of our world to life.
Suffering brings compassion and emotions that feel like suffering, such as anger, irritation, loss, and others like that serve the same function as physical pain. To make us address the thing that is hurting us. To make us address injustice. That’s another reason I asked if you somehow, changed the world. Because it needs changing. Everything needs change or life would bore us to death. (If we were always happy, we wouldnt appreciatr it. Life on mars doesnt have pain, but it doesnt have anything) That’s why we need to stand up for what we believe in and thats why being vegetarian for example is actually a big help. That’s why we live, because the roll or coaster is fun. Because it moves up and down and has two sides of life.
I didn’t intend for this to sound so inspirational haha