ON ABANDONMENT ISSUE


Instead of abandonment issue, I think this is more about my consciousness which ruins my life. I feel like my curiosity led me to open a door to another room, that pervious room is my comfort, but I don’t want stay in my comfort zone all the time, Iam type who win everything and lose it all… But then I realized when I want to return it’s already locked. Forever. Here I am, in stinky void room. Only abyss and despair here, good to know, time to return but I cant. *Locked*

Trapped in messy room, locked in my own conciousness, just circling around at tiny room in my head, but I know what’s in your head is yours. And you’ll never be able to run from whatever in your head.

Feel abandoment is suffering, life is suffering, death is inevitable. Consciousness is the medium in which we experience suffering. Everything is ruining your life, consciousness only makes you aware of it, but not the cause, just the vehicle of your misery.

Like you can never undo what’s been done, what have been passed through. It’s like everything you do takes on a life of its own and then can never be undone. But don’t worry, you already here, achieved to know the most unknown, but if you kept searching you would keep on going. and that’s the point of life to keep going. to not be still. don’t worry you will know the point of life when you die.

“We’re like coke heads or chronic masturbators, aren’t we? Attempting to crank the last iota of abandonment out of an instrinsically empty and mechanical experience. We push the plunger home, we abrade the clitoris, we yank the penis and we feel nothing. Not exactly nothing, worse than nothing, we feel a flicker or a prickle, the sensual equivalent of a retinal after-image. That’s our fun now, not fun itself, only a tired allusion to it. Nevertheless, we feel certain that if we can allude to fun one more time, make a firm statement about it, it will return like the birds after winter.”

― Will Self, My Idea of Fun

 

 

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